Chords for 'Dang'd If I Know"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _
[G] That's where the action is.
[Bb] _ _ _ _
[Eb] Sometimes home [N] is where the action is.
_ _ _ [F]
Now this is [Em] a true story.
[B] I swear to God, it is.
_ But you have to know a couple of things before I tell you this story.
One of them is that at one point in my ranging [Bb] career, my old man decided that he was going
to increase the herd by buying drop cows.
And what this entails is you go to the sales yard and you buy these five [E] dollar, two or
[Bb] three day old drop calves that have been [D] culled out by local dairy ranches or whatever.
[Bb] You bring them home and what you have to do is you have to feed them, if you don't have
a milk cow, you have to feed them a milk mixture out of a bucket that they call [Em] calf manna.
And it's a very [Eb] powerful smelling powdered milk mixture that [Gb] you have to mix up in your
kitchen at 430 [Bb] in the morning.
I don't know why you have to do it then, but [G] apparently it's written on the bag.
[Bb] _ _ _ _ And then somebody told my old man, you can buy milk goats _ and you can make them calves
up on those milk goats and it's cheaper to feed a milk goat than it is to buy calf manna
because a goat can live on _ dirt. _
_ _ _ [E] So we did that.
We bought this little milk goat.
It was [N] somebody's 4-inch project.
Her name was Annabelle and we built a stanchion for her and [Bb] had a little tray on the front
that you could put grain in.
[C] We'd stick her up on that stanchion.
She'd eat that grain.
We'd [B] lock her head in.
We'd turn them calves loose and they'd come and they'd run and try and suck on her and
she'd kick the [Bb] dog dookie out of them the whole time and they'd butt her, try to get
the milk come down her behind the end of the little thing.
_ [Bm] _
20th century stock [D] raising at its finest.
_ [Eb] _
_ _ [Bb] The other thing that I have to tell [Bb] you about is when my brother was nine years old, he
wanted to be a football player.
So my parents [B] bought him a football [Bb] uniform from Sears and Robux and it had the helmet,
the shoulder pads, the jersey, the whole thing.
And he promptly outgrew it.
[Cm] _ [Bb] But he still had the helmet around and he figured out that he could wear that helmet
if he took padding out.
_ Now the third thing you need to know about.
_ _ An old boy that I grew up with, he was the son of my dad's partner trapped together in
the cattle business.
His name was Anteas Bubba.
And that is what we [E] call him.
That's what we've always called him.
And I swear [Bb] to God, that is what we call him.
Now you know everything that you need to know to understand this song. _
_ _ _ _ The football helmet came from Sears.
_ _ And Anteago's name was [F] Annabelle.
_ And the [C] third element was Bubba. _
[F] And Bubba was crazy [Bb] as hell. _
He was known for his crazy head.
He was known for wild stunts.
He never did nothing [Eb] by hound.
And the goat we kept in a [Bb] hog wire [C] pen for nursing the [Bb] weak calves.
_ Bubba cocked one bloodshot eye, took off his car hard [C] coat.
_ [F] He said, if I put that helmet on, _ I could put heads of [Bb] that goat.
_ _ _ These were the days. _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [Eb] _ _ _
And I said, _ [Bb] _ _ _ [C] I'm going [Bb] to _ _ [Eb] _ _ _ _
[Bb] put that helmet on.
_ [C] And he said, I'm going to put that [Bb] helmet on.
And I said, [Eb] I'm going to put that helmet _ [Bb] _ on.
And he said, I'm going to put that helmet on.
And he said, I'm going to put that helmet on.
And he [C] said, I'm going to put that helmet on.
And I said, I'm going to put that helmet [Bb] on.
And he said, I'm going to put that helmet on. _ _ _
_ Well, he stuck his head inside that helmet. _ _
Gave out an air [F] of old yellow.
And he [C] waggled his fingers like a couple of horns.
And he challenged old [Bb] Annabelle.
That goat prayed up on her high face.
Gave out with a [Eb] bleat. _
He delivered old Bubba [Bb] a glancing blow.
[C] _
And be [Bb] quick retreats.
_ _ Bubba let go of that.
_ With a decidedly [F] scornful look.
He said,
Ah, hell, that weren't nothing at all.
You're a marshmallow, you ain't a goat.
[Bb] _ _ Quip the goats,
Add windage and trajectory now.
_ Next time she [Eb] come around,
With a sound like a bald [Bb] bat getting a treat.
_ [F] _ Mighty [Bb] Bub went down.
[Eb] Dang if I know, dang [Bb] if I know,
_ [C] Why we do the [Bb] things we do.
[Eb] One thing I know,
[Bb] Some things you do though,
A [C] little longer if you [Bb] want to. _
_ _ _ Well he lay there a really long time.
_ _ Hell, I thought [F] he was dead. _
That helmet was cracked down the middle. _
There was blood on all of his head.
[Bb] _ _ He finally waddled to his hands and knees.
I really don't [Eb] know how,
With his eyes rattling round [Bb] like pinballs.
[F] _ And all he could [Bb] say was, _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Well that scene has kind of stuck with me. _
In a most [C] disturbing way.
Because I mean, _
Dueling with a goat.
_ A guy don't see that every day.
[Bb] _ He said,
Yes, I've done a lot in cold pokey.
And start from things [Eb] like this.
While I don't think Bubba is [Bb] afraid of goats.
_ [C] He ain't messed with [Bb] one cent.
If [Eb] I know,
If [Bb] I know,
_ [C] Why we do the [Bb] things we do.
[Eb] One thing I know,
[Bb] Some things you do though,
A [C] little longer,
So much longer,
_ Years, years longer,
Than you are.
[Bb] _ _ [Eb] _ _ _ _ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _ _ _
[N] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _