Chords for Adam Ezra Explains Deflategate

Let's see a football game.
Our favorite team, the New England Patriots.
_ [G] _ _ _
[Eb] _ [C] I know not everybody [B] in this room may be that [G] enthusiastic about our team.
_ [D] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [Eb] But you win the Super [D] Bowl.
_ _ _ [C] _ _ _ _
_ I was there just a little bit before the game started, just before the [Am] game started.
I'm sitting [Eb] in my fucking [G] seat.
_ _ _ And this like _ octogenarian in front of me starts [D] choking on a hot dog.
He starts [C] choking on a hot dog.
_ [D]
He's like coughing and spitting.
And then he's not making [Eb] any sound.
Now, _ I've been drinking beer since like 6am.
I'm fucking bonked.
_ [Dm] _ _ _
When I hear the fucking lady behind me [Gb] say,
Hey, do something [F] or he's gonna fucking die.
Do like the fucking Heimlich maneuver.
[D] And so I fucking wrap my arms around this fucking old geezer.
And I fucking [Db] stop _ [Dm] trying to do the fucking Heimlich maneuver.
But he's so like [C] skin and bones, I can't get a [G] good patch on him.
I can't get a good patch.
_ [E] So I'm like, [Eb] shit.
So I call like 6 or 7 of my boys over.
We pick the guy up.
We pick the guy [C] up.
And we bring him [G] downstairs into the stadium, you know.
_ _ [Gb] We get on the ground.
And [G] suddenly like at this [C] point the guy is turning purple.
Right?
Purple.
_ I start to freak out.
Because I don't want this fucking guy to die on my watch now, right? _
_ _ [G] Suddenly, the locker room [Eb] attendant reaches his [Dm] head out of the door.
And he says, hey.
He sees something's fucked [C] up, obviously.
And so he's like, come in here to the bench.
And you're lying down on the bench.
So we fucking take the guy and bring him to the [G] locker room. _ _ _
[E] And he's lying down on the bench.
He's still not breathing, [Ebm]
right?
[D] I look out of the corner of my eye.
[N] I see this football on the floor.
_ _ [Ebm] What am I gonna [Gm] do?
I fucking grab the football.
I'm like, _ yo, Bobby, Andy, pick up the geese and bring them over here.
And suddenly, he put them in front of [G] me.
And then I put the football in front of the guy, right? _
[Dm] Suddenly, I had like, I couldn't fucking get [Eb] a practice on that thing.
And I just started heaving and chucking, right?
Suddenly, a piece of hot dog goes flying out of the guy's mouth.
He starts spitting and coughing.
He's breathing again, okay?
Fucking crisis [E] has ended. _
That was his event.
_ _ _ [Gb] _
_ It's true.
_ [Db] It's true.
No fanfare, no papers, no [Ebm] nothing.
I just saved the fucking [F] guy's life, all right?
Suddenly, the locker room attendant [Db] _ _ [G] looks at his watch [E] and he's like,
holy fucking [Eb] shit, I'm late for the game.
[Gm] _ Give me that ball.
And I give him the ball, and he runs out onto the field.
_ [Bb] _ The moral of the [C] story is, I am the guy responsible for the [N] missing guy
in the locker room, so it's so hard. _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [D] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ And so, [Dm] I told him, we like to call _ the devil gave us a [Gb] mask. _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [Dm] _
_ [C] _ _ _ _ _ [Dm] _ _
_ _ _ [E] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [D] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ The devil gave us a mask, [G] and he was looking for some balls [Eb] to break.
He just started greasy wearing it right down [F] his armpit.
_ He started getting so hot that it was smoking a butt.
He had a hell of a number of my [Dm] bullhead friends.
I said, who are those?
Tell me what?
[D] I said, you know what, kid?
It's like a [Eb] steroid.
You're a hot shit, and you're just a [C] flaming bum.
I'm going [Ebm] to the hot spot on the [C] guidance of the warning.
I've been a lot of gutter, like a mouse that you can't [Am] quite unpack.
[D] _ My name's Tully, and you're a stupid fart.
What are you doing, [Dm] potty?
I'm getting a head back.
_ Somebody who wants to help you [C] out, but has a little bit of a lot of [G] shit
started to jump across the [Dm] room, and you know what it feels like, guys?
You're going to have a lot of [C] guys that have a lot of love.
[A] You know what gets us, though?
_ _ [Dm] _ _ _
_ [C] _ _ _ _ [Dm] _ _ [A] _
_ _ [C] _ _ _ [D] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ The devil opened up his case and said, I'm going to get you stabbed.
He finally shot him in the fingertips.
Damn it, [F] it's just a beautiful, straight across the street.
We got a nice subway car, so I guess that's how big Murphy showed up,
and then just saw the top of my head.
[D] _ _ _
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Someone's been great job making that shit like a real one.
You're going to rip it up now.
Take a fucking shot of it.
[D] _
I'm going to watch that sailor.
_ _ [C] I can't see what's about to go down.
_ _ _ [D]
I'm going to be so attracted.
[B] _ _ [C] _
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[Dm] _ _ _ [Gm] _ _ _ [A] _ _
[D] The devil shot his sister, and he knew it was that drunk.
[Eb] He shot his younger brother.
That's the shot of the last.
Silly shot, we're [Eb] going to come back.
You're going to want to press your lungs and your knuckles
[G] once you're high, and you're going to get super [Dm] attractive.
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_ [Dm] _ _ [Am] _ _ [A] _ _ [F] _
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