Chords for Bad Jokes

Some of the best jokes are bad jokes.
Here's a few of them right here
[D] _ _ [G] _ _ [A] _ _ [D] _ _
Well, Tommy went to [G] confession.
He [D] said bless me for [A] I've sinned
Father [G] Murphy said with whom was it Megan [D] or Marilyn?
Was it Brenda [G] Fiona or Kathy and Tommy [A] just rattled his beads?
[D] The priest gave [G] him for our [A] fathers and also five good leads [D] bad jokes
_ [G] bad jokes
[D] When a woman walks in wearing nothing but bells a [Bb] psychologist watches [D] everyone else
_ _ _ [B] _ _ _
[D] Well, [G] Jim and John had to share [D] a room one night in a hotel and Jim said I snore [A] so bad
I doubt you'll sleep [D] that well
John kissed him on the cheek.
He said sweetheart
It's all right, and [G] Jim went and he sat in a [A] chair and he stayed awake all night
[D] bad jokes
_ [G] Yes, sir.
_ [D] You know the reason [G] that fart smell is so deaf [Bb] people can enjoy him as [D] well
_ [G] _ _ [A] _ _
[D] _ Well, the blondes [G] went to the drive-in [D] movie late on a [A] February night
[D] The movie was [G] called closed for the [A] winter, but they liked the [D] first half All right
But then the movie got kind of boring and there were no [A] drinks or eats [G] and in protests the blondes went [A] mad and they ripped up
both the seats
[D] bad jokes
_ [G] _ _
_ _ [D] God created [G] liquor and brew so [Bb] ugly people can [D] have sex too.
_ _ _ [E] _ _
[D] _ Oh
Lord to [G] whom a million [D] years are but a moment's blink to whom a million [A] dollars are like a [D] single pennies clink
[G] Oh Lord to whom these [D] vast things are so minutely reckoned.
Could I have a [G] million dollars?
God said sure [A] just a second
[D] bad jokes
_ [G] _
That's it
[D] The nice thing about [G] Alzheimer's man, you can enjoy the same jokes [D] again and again.
Well, _ _ [A] _ _
[D] _ well only [G] lay on his deathbed
He knew he was gonna die and then he smelled a beautiful [A] smell of Lena's [D] rhubarb pie
He crept [G] downstairs to the kitchen [D] there it was he [A] let out a moan [D] then Lena [G] whacked him with a broom
[A] That's for the funeral leave that alone
[D] Bad _ _ [G] _ jokes
_ [D] Women love men who [G] nod their head.
They think we're [Bb] listening to what they [D] say
_ _ _ [A] _ _
[D] _ Well, darling, you've [G] always been with me on life's long bumpy ride through sickness hair loss bankruptcy
You've been here by my side
My heart attack and the house burning down that night the lightning struck and liver cancer and now suddenly I'm starting to think you're bad luck
_ _ _ _ [G] _ _
_ Your mama's fat of 500 pounder got little [Bb] fat people orbiting [D] rounder
_ _ _ [A] _ _
[D] _ One morning the [G] devil came to [D] church in a burst of smoke and flame.
He ran up and [G] down the aisle
He [B] said [D] Beelzebub is my name
I am evil incarnate the object of [A] all your fears
[D] The old man said you don't [A] scare me at all been married to your sister for 48 [D] years
_ [B] _ _ [G] _ _
_ _ [Bm] Viagra stolen it's in the [Gm] news hardened criminals on the [D] loose
_ [G] _ _ [A] _ _
[D] _ When God created woman he gave her not two breasts
but three the middle one got in the way so God performed surgery and
[Bm] Woman stood in front of God with the middle breast in her [A] hand
[G] She said what shall we do with the useless [A] boob and God created man?
[D] Bad jokes _ [G] bad jokes
_ _ [D] _ _ _ [A] _ _ _
_ _ [N] _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _