Chords for Deer Tick- The Great Smoke Off

[D] _ _ _ [A] _ [D] _ _ _ _
[G] _ _ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _
[G] _ _ [D] _ _ _ In the laid-back California [G] town of sunny San Rafael
[A] Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake
[G] You probably [D] knew her well
She'd been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years
[G] And the story was widely told
[A] That she could smoke em faster than [G] anyone [D] could roll
Well her legend finally reached New York
[G] That Grove Street walk-up flat
[A] Where dwelt the Calistoga Kid
[G] A beatnik from [D] the past
With long brown lightning fingers
[G] He takes a cultured toke
[A] And says, hell, I can roll it faster, Jim
[G] Than any chick can [D] smoke
So [Bm] [D] a note gets sent to San Rafael
For the [G] championship of the world
[A] The kid demands a smoke-off
[G] Well bring him on, [D] says Pearl
I'll grind his fingers off his hands
[G] He'll roll until he drops
[A] Says Calistoga, I'll smoke that twist
[G] Till she blows [D] up and pops
So they rent out Yankee Stadium
[G] And the word is quickly spread
[A] Come on, come all who walk or crawl
Price [G] just two [D] lids a head
So from every town in Hamlet
[G] Over land and sea they speed
[A] The world's greatest dopers
With the [G] world's [D] greatest weed
Hashishers from Morocco
[G] Hemp smokers from Peru
[A] And the shemnicks from Bagoon
Who puffed the [G] deadly [D] apugaroo
And those who [A] call it light of life
And those that [D] call it boom
See _ _ [A] _
[D] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _ _
[A] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ [D] _ _
_ the dealers and their ladies
Wearing [G] turquoise lace and leather
[A] See the narcos and the closet smokers
[G] And they're puffing all [D] together
From the teenies who smoke legal
[G] To the ones who've done some time
[A] To the old man who smoked reefer
[G] Back before it [D] was a crime
And the grand old house that Ruth built
[G] Is filled with smoking cries
[A] Of fifty thousand screaming heads
[G] All stoned out [D] of their minds
_ And they play the national anthem
[G] And the crowd lets out a roar
[A] As the spotlight hits the kid
And [G] Pearl's ready for their [D] smoking war
At a table piled high up with [G] grass
As high as a mountain peak
[A] Just tops and buds of the rarest [G] flowers
Not one stem, [D] branch, or seed
_ Maui, Waui, Panama Red
[G] And Acapulco Gold
[A] Cheap from East Afghanistan
[G] And rare [D] Alaskan coal
Sticks from Thailand
Ganja from the [G] islands
And Van Gogh's Blooming Best
[A] And some of that wet imported shit
[G] That capsized off [D] Key West
Powocking tops and Kenya Bang
[G] And Riviera Flurs
[A] And that rare Manhattan silver
That [G] grows down in the New [D] York sewers
And there's bubbling ice cold lemonade
[G] And sweet grapes by the munchies
[A] And there's Hershey bars and [G] Oreos
In case anybody [D] gets the munchies
And the Calistoga Kitty [G] snares
And Pearly Sheet just grins
[A] And the drums roll low
And the crowd yells,
Go!
And the world's first smoke-off begins
[D] Kid _ _ [G] _ _ _ _
[A] _ _ _ _ [D] _ _ _ _
flicks his magic fingers once
[G] And zap that first joint's roll
[A] Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs
[G] And whoosh, that roach [D] is cold
Then the kid, he rolls his super bomb
[G] That'd paralyze a [A] moose
And Pearly takes one super hit
And [G] slurp, [D] that bomb's defused
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds
[G] And she smokes him up in nine
[A] And everybody sits back and says,
Well, [G] this just might take some [D] time
See the blur of flying fingers
[G] See the red coal burning bright
[A] As the night turns into morning
[G] And the morning [D] fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer
[G] And a whole damn year is gone
[A] But the two still sit on that roach-filled [G] stage
Smoking and [D] rolling on
With trembling hands he rolls his [G] J's
With fingers blue and stiff
[A] She coughs and [Eb] stares with a bloodshot gaze
And puffs through [D] blistered lips
_ [A] _ [D] As _ _
[G] _ _ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _
[G] _ _ [D] _ _ _ _ she reaches out her hand
[G] For another stick of gold
[A] The kid, he gasps and says,
God damn it, bitch, [G] there's nothing [D] left to roll
Nothing left to roll, screams Pearl
[G] Is this some twisted joke?
[A] I didn't come here to fuck around, man
[G] I [D] come here to smoke
As she reaches across the table
And [G] grabs his bony [A] sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands
[G] Like [D] dried and brittle leaves
Flicking out his teeth and bones
[G] Like useless stems and seeds
[A] And then she rolls him in a zigzag
[G] Slides him like a [D] roach
And the fastest man with the fastest hands
[A] Goes up in a puff [D] of smoke _ _
[A] _ [D] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _
[A] _ _ _ _ _ [G] _ [D] _
In the laid-back California town
Of [G] sunny San Rafael
[A] Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake
[G] You probably [D] know her well
She's been stoned 21 of her 24 [G] years
And the story's widely told
[A] How she can still smoke them faster
[G] Than anyone [D] can roll
Off in New York City
[G] On a street that has no name
[A] There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid
[G] In the Viper Hall of [D] Fame
And underneath his fingers
[G] There's a little golden scroll
[A] That says, beware of being the roller
When there's [G] nothing [D] left to roll
_ [A] _ [D] _ _ _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _
[A] _ _ _ _ _ _ [G] _ _
[D] _ _ [Am] _ _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _