Chords for Everything Wrong With One Direction - "Night Changes"

_ _ _ [Em] Night Changes
[D] Even though cooks frequently use a flambe method, this straight up looks like a kitchen fire.
Don't use water!
Hey, what's up labor workers?
I'm a young [G] boy wonder who serenades humans for millions of dollars.
Keep working hard and you might get healthcare.
Man, Kimbo Slices let himself go.
But at least he's found peace, going from pummeling homeless dudes on YouTube to chopping veg at a fancy restaurant.
He even gets a shout out from Zane!
Okay, the video's conceit is that a girl is on a date with One Direction.
So far, he's taken her through the back of the restaurant, sung to her in the middle of a crowd, and introduced her to a fat guy.
Um, off to a shaky [F#] start.
Also, this greeter seems way too happy to see Zane.
He looks like the guy who welcomes you politely, then goes and drops one of his testicles in your soup before serving it.
If you're on a date and the guy across from you doesn't sing to you like this dude, then he's just not trying hard [G] enough to work his way into One Direction.
And therefore, you [Em] should not be wasting your time on it.
Her mother [G] doesn't like that kind of dress.
Everything she never had, she's showing [C] off.
Wait, so the mother never had a dress?
Or the [D] things she's showing off?
We can't see the girl here, but [C] can assume she's either much more amply endowed than [D] her mom, or she has a tail.
Director Ben Winston [C] was so desperate to cram his name into this video, he [D] created a menu of a place called Brasserie Vesapenem.
That's as creative as coming up with Trattoria [G] Sop.
As many of you boys and girls know, if a [C] stranger approaches you with this face, with candy apples in their [D] hands, you run as fast as you can.
Back to the [C] fat man at the restaurant.
He'll know what to do.
According to Liam, [D] this is the best goddamn solo One Direction selfie [C] of all time.
Oh, you wanted to be in it too?
[E] Also, I'm calling bullsh** on that selfie.
It [G] was vertical.
And he didn't even frame the shot.
He better not use one of those lame filters like Lark or [C] Juno.
They can't hide the sh**ty picture he just [G] half-assed.
Okay, either he's blindfolding her or tying the scarf around her head like Daniel-san in The Karate [F#] Kid.
Either way, I feel like this night is gonna end up in [E] Christian Grey's playroom.
Out of all the blue rental skates [Bm] available, Harry finds the one pristine white pair that just happens to fit his date's feet.
Also, Harry now smells like [D] a row of used rental ice skates.
Hey boo, check this out.
Watch me do a triple asshole.
Just how fast the [Em] night changes
Yeah, it's changing pretty f**king fast, [Gm] considering she's gone on three dates already tonight.
That's gonna be a lot of plan B tomorrow.
Over-celebrating douchebag wins a [G] comically large stuffed animal at a carnival cliche.
Also, Liam totally fish [F#]-handed his handshake.
Yep, as soon as the skating's over, Harry's going to take her to the Natural History Museum to [A] compare the evolution of man to his own Homo [G] erectus.
Fourth guy swoops in and steals the woman with a [F#] classic car.
I'm not as cool as the other One Direction guys, but I do have [G] this tiny f**king car.
Hop in.
Jesus, these guys really get around London.
Natural History Museum, ice rinks, carnivals, beautiful parks, open road.
[F#] No sin here, just wanted to point out that London looks pretty f**king awesome.
Also, this is actually a scene from the upcoming series Boy Bands in Cars Getting P*****.
Hey Louis, Keeper Sutherland is calling from 1987.
[G] He wants his look back.
[C] Given their status as one of the most popular [D] boy bands of all time, I think the last time any of [C] these guys had to chase anything was playing tag in [E] kindergarten.
Rearview mirror placed perfectly so that [C] Louis can always keep an eye on Louis while driving.
Oh, [E] is his date still here?
Listen, Niall may be able to pull [G] off that Christmas sweater, but he can't justify the portrait [Bm] of the well-dressed dog in the background.
The sixth One [C] Direction member is actually the one that pushed Zayn out.
Moving too fast, moon is lighting up her skin.
She's falling, he [G] doesn't even know it yet.
If it's happening this fast and she doesn't know it yet, you must have gotten a prescription from Dr.
Cliff Huxtable.
Aren't they supposed to [Em] play Monopoly counterclockwise in England?
Zayn [C] gets pretty standard looking pasta at what should be a fancy French restaurant.
Harry Styles' scarf look is [A] right between the curtains in my great aunt's condo [E] in Boca and Gryffindor fanfiction cover art.
[F#] Ah, this is the scene where he hunts a pigeon and eats it right in front of his date like a psychotic Central Park jogger.
Game date night at Niall's place does not include the removal of any clothing as a penalty for losing.
Or maybe it does and this woman is completely naked while playing Jenga.
We'll never know.
But we'll continue to stare into the singing face holes of One Direction.
This Jenga tower is actually a metaphor for their careers as soon [C] as their hairlines begin to recede.
[D] _ _ [C] _ _ [D] _
_ [E] That's how dreaming works.
[A] Also, this is supposed to be a sort of YOLO anthem [E] about seizing the moment.
But lyrically, they're just lamenting [D] the fact that it's getting real and I gotta find a relationship [E] with someone other than the 19-year-old Hooters waitress I [A] banged last night.
Zayn has four times as many rings as his female companion.
Hey man, give her a break.
[D] She's refusing to go on the nauseating ride, [E] still shaking off those Cosby drugs from earlier in the night.
[A] Apparent boyfriend makes a scene that no one in the restaurant [E] gives a f*** about until food starts being thrown.
Zayn [D] must have played a serious Mr.
Stew your girl with this [E] chick.
Given the passive way he's taking that spaghetti [A] to the head.
Also, to mess with the girl, that's [F#m] one thing.
To ruin Zayn's haircut, that's cause [D] for a f***ing kneecapping out in the alley by a well-trained [E] directioner.
Assault on the first date carries a sentence of one [A] to three years in prison and up to a $12,000 [E] fine.
Don't ask me how I know that, I'm just happy [D] she's in a controlled environment and that it won't happen to [E] anyone else for a while.
This woman actually has a compound [A] fracture and is in danger of bleeding out.
But the paramedics [F#m] just threw some gauze on it so they could quickly attend to Harry.
[A] Liam experiences the same reaction as people who [F#] have to listen to this song over and over to write the script for this video.
After grabbing the officer's head, [E] Lewis gets a firm but gentle detainment from the London [D] police.
I wonder what would happen if, say, Lil [E] Wayne did that in America.
Probably the same treatment.
[G#m] What they're trying to get across is that One Direction is really, really, really sorry.
I guess it's time for this girl to move on to 5 [N] Seconds of Summer.
_ _ _ _ [G#] That dowser run around her head
[F#] _ _ _ _ _ _ [A]
Hey, you!
Who are you?
[G] I love you!
_ [N] I love you, [E] Wonderboss!
Oh, well, if you're [B] sure_
_ Better be_
[A] Gryffindor!
So say goodnight to the bad guy.
[D] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _ [Dm] _ _ [C] _ _ _ [G] _ _