Chords for Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday

And now, the Grand Ole Opry Theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos.
_ Well, _ _ _ _ [A] _ _ [F#m] _ _
[B] _ _ _ _ [E] _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [A] _ _ [F#m] _ _
[B] _ _ [G#m] _ _ [E] _ _ it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo [A] _ [C#m] holiday.
[B] Whatever you do, watch [E] what you say.
[A] If you're easily offended, [E] well, that's [C#m] okay. _
_ _ _ _ It's a [A] completely non-offensive and [B] politically correct [E] holiday. _
_ _ _ _ _ [B] _ [E] We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night, huddled around a campfire.
_ _ _ How about we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you want to lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.
Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, [B] how lovely are [E] thy branches.
Why am I getting bleeped again?
Haven't you heard, guys?
You can't say Christmas.
You gotta say holiday.
I can't say Christmas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by [B] Christmas?
You know, you [E] might offend the bleeps and the bleeps and the atheists.
What?
It's time to be politically correct.
I'll lead us off.
_ [E] _ _ _
On the first day of Christmas, [B] my true love [E] sent to me.
Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can't say Christmas.
Why not?
If you can say Christmas on the last record, why can't I say Christmas?
I didn't make the rules.
Hey, listen guys, it's not that difficult.
All you gotta do is change Christmas to holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Christmas, you say, I'm dreaming of a white holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
You've got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won't offend anyone.
This is so stupid.
_ [A] This is [C#m] absolutely ridiculous.
[B] You can't say Christmas.
_ [E] _ _ Why can't you say [A] Christmas?
_ _ _ _ [C#m] Why do these people have to feel that way?
How come they get offended so [B] easily?
It's a completely non [C#m]-offensive and [B] politically correct [E] holiday.
I'm just trying to come up with a [C#m] song here.
_ [E]
Let's sing one together.
Everybody ready?
George?
Ready!
Bill, you ready?
I'm ready.
Jimmy?
_ Jimmy?
_ Jimmy!
_ Okay!
_ _ We three kings of old
Are _
Very
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Oh, [E] sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on.
Just try.
I've got to get hyped up for this.
_ [C#m] We three kings [G#] of the Asia are
That [E] sounds like horse.
Okay, how about Little Drummer Boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you can't say [Em] drummer, because that will [E] offend real musicians.
How about Little Sound of Bethlehem?
What's with all the short jokes?
Hey, how about we do Silent Night?
Nope, that [B] offends people hard [E] of hearing and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a short?
This happens every year.
Well, it's a very long and true _ [C#m] holiday.
[B] Whatever you do, watch [E] what you say.
[A] Please go and spend it with [C#m] your friends.
Sage, get rid of Apple.
It's the dumbest thing I've ever [A] heard.
It's a completely [F#m] non-offensive and [B] politically correct [E] holiday.
Oh, oh, oh.
No.
I [C#m] can't say oh?
No, [E] you might offend some women.
So basically, we can't sing anything.
I think that's a bunch of bull.
[E] Softer, George.
It's more effective.
I think that's a bunch of bull.
_ Wait just a minute.
I've never been so_
No, no, no.
And you know what?
I don't care who we offend.
[B] I'm going to sing Christmas [E] carols if I want to sing Christmas carols.
That's better, Bill.
It's more effective.
I don't care who we offend.
I'm going to sing Christmas [B] carols if I [E] want to sing Christmas carols. Me too.
We wish you a [A] Merry Christmas.
We [F#] wish you a [B] Merry Christmas.
[E] We wish you a [A] Merry Christmas.
_ _ And [F#] a happy [B] new [E] _ year.
You can't say new and offend the old folks.
And you better not offend the_ Us.
No.