Chords for MADtv Divorce Yard Sale

[B] _ _ _ _ Hey, how are you?
We got some great deals today.
Yeah, I can see that.
Are all these dresses a size 4?
Yeah, they sure are.
They used to belong to my wife, Holly.
But she left me three weeks ago without any warning. _
Oh.
But hey, my loss is your gain, right?
_ _ Maybe you shouldn't be selling her [N] clothes.
I mean, what if you two reconcile and she comes home?
I don't really think that's in the cards.
You see, she put a roofie in my tuna melt.
_ And when I woke up two days later, there was a note pinned to my shirt that said,
I faked every orgasm I asked for.
_ _ But _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ hey, _ my loss is your gain, right?
_ _ You can have them all, the whole rack, for five bucks.
Oh, great. _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ But, um, _ I'm really sorry about your wife.
_ Why should you be sorry?
You're the one who's making out like a bandit.
_ And I'm the one who misses his wife so much that every night I put on her makeup
and blow kisses at myself in the mirror.
And tell myself that I'm a good lay. _
_ _ _ _ _ Um, that's a little too much information.
Well, it's more information than my wife gave me about my golden son, Timmy,
and my golden Volvo.
_ _ I'm sorry. _ _ _
_ Hey, my loss is your gain, right, Holly? _
Hey.
_ _ _ Did you know there's still pictures in this photo album?
Oh, yes, I did.
I thought it would be best to sell what I thought was love.
_ _ _ _ _ Here's a picture of me and my wife and my son.
They're wishing me a happy birthday.
_ Ooh, that looks like a beautiful cake.
Mm-hmm.
It was delicious.
My wife always cooks with a secret ingredient.
You know what it is?
_ Lies!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
She likes to frost her cake with deception! _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ But, hey, my loss is your gain, right?
_ You can have the album for five bucks.
Tell you what I'm going to do.
_ I'm going to throw in one of my former son's swimming trophies.
Oh, black folks don't swim.
_ _ I know that, but you can wear it as bling.
_ _ Fantastic _ _ _ _ _ _ day because I can't. _
_ You know, last night I tried to kill myself by drinking a bottle of bleach,
but I just barfed it up and bleached my chest hair instead. _
_ Hey, _ everybody, come on.
My heart-wrenching sorrow is your ticket to big savings.
My loss is your gain.
_ Where else can you find a diaphragm for a dollar?
_ _ _ _ Hello, Mr.
Preston.
_ _ Well, well, well.
_ If it isn't Marilyn Renwick,
the babysitter I no longer need because my son this year for Christmas asked for a stepfather. _ _ _
Look, Mr.
Preston, I'm sorry about everything,
but you still owe me $32 for watching your son last month.
How dare you! _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ Have a seat, honey. _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ I don't have any money for you, okay, sweetheart?
Because I lost my job working at the Baby Gap as a greeter
_ when I took a baby and said in its face,
don't betray your daddy!
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
You know what else happened?
_ I recently made love to a man who fit into my wife's shoes.
_ _ I _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
wish there was something I could do to make you feel better.
There is.
Put on my wife's clothes and go to the movies with me. _
No way, Mr.
Preston!
All right, fine.
Put on my son Timmy's baseball cap and go to the batting cages with me. _
Don't!
_ _ _ All right, Don Preston is back, everybody.
He's a father again!
Come on, let's go buy you a cup.
Okay. _ _ _ _ _