Chords for the King will come - yet (the story behind the song)

The story behind the year.
[Gb] _ _
Oof.
I can't sing this song without getting emotional, so I [Eb] can guarantee I won't be able to talk
about this song without getting [Gb] emotional.
_ _ But just because I wrote this song at [Bb] one of the lowest points in my [Eb] life.
The year before was one of the best years of my life.
I had experienced so much success in my career, in my relationships, in my personal life,
and just in so many aspects in the next year.
I just felt like all of that was taken away [Gb] and just kind of crumbled.
I lost a lot of what I thought [Db] my future was going to look like in every aspect of my life,
in my career, with music, in my relationships.
I had been in a serious relationship for almost six years and that ended.
I had lost a [Db] relationship with myself. _
And the hardest and scariest part for me through all of that was feeling like I had lost a
relationship with God, [Ebm] doubting Him in a way that I never had [Ab] before. _
And that was [Bbm] terrifying for me [Ab] because I've always [Gb] been _ _
[Bbm] someone that really leans into
faith in the hard moments.
[Ab] And I mean, I'm not perfect by any means, but that's always something that gives me
hope and that [Bbm] has given me purpose.
But [Ab] I remember that year, _ [Gb] _ _
[Db] I just felt like [Ab] I didn't even have that anymore.
And I'd [E] never experienced that before.
I felt so [Db] ashamed of that.
I didn't [Eb] understand why all of the things that were so important to me were taken away
and just crumbled like right before my eyes.
And I felt like I couldn't do anything about it.
I felt like I had no control.
And I am grateful for the perspective I have now because _ _ looking back, I can see now how
I put so much of my identity in [Db] my career and in my relationships and in what people
thought of [Ab] me and what people expected [Eb] of me and in _ achievements and in all these things.
And I was putting my identity [Bbm] in everything except for God.
[Ab] And so it's no wonder [Gb] why my confidence was shot [Bbm] when all of these things started
crumbling because I had nothing left. _
[Ab] And so as hard as that [Gb] year was and as [Db] hard as those experiences were, _ [Bbm] I'm grateful now
because [Ab] it's shown me how crucial it is for me to put my identity and my confidence [Db] and
my faith and trust in God and in nothing else.
[Eb] Because anything else can be taken away.
And I think what was hard for me when I wrote this song, I felt like my faith _ _ wasn't being
taken away.
But I didn't know, honestly, I didn't know if I'd ever get back to where
I was because I'd always been this person that had so much faith and that [Gb] could always
find the good in things and that could always [Db] find the bright side.
_ _ [Eb] _ _
But [Db] I just felt hopeless _ _ _
_ _ _ [Eb] and I just felt like [Db] God was upset with me or I did something
wrong and God was punishing me.
And I just felt this shame and this guilt.
But I [Ab] was I _ _ [Bbm] was so blinded by my own pain [Ab] _ _
that I couldn't I couldn't see how much his
hand was in everything that was happening.
And I felt that deep down.
[Gb] But I didn't want to admit it [Db] because I was so frustrated because of all these things
that I wanted.
_ _ But he [Eb] had a bigger plan for me.
And so when I wrote this song, _
[Db] _ _ _ I hadn't approached him in sincere prayer in a long
time.
I had prayed.
I had done just [Eb] the kind of like really surface level prayer for a long time.
And I got to a point where I I felt like I was at rock bottom.
I felt like a shell of a person.
I didn't know who I was anymore.
I didn't recognize a lot about myself. _
And I remember one night I just [Db] kneeled. _
Huh.
I kneeled at this time.
I bet _ the only thing I could say was, God, _ please don't give up on me.
Like, I'm really trying and I know it's not much, _ _
[Bbm] but I [Ab] feel like I'm drowning here.
I feel so lost and alone.
_ [Db] And I just remember [Bbm] like weeping and like breaking down.
[Ab] And I [Db] couldn't I couldn't formulate thoughts or words.
I couldn't even speak.
I was so emotional [Ab] and I just _ _
[Gb] felt like I [Db] needed to go to my piano.
My piano was right on the side of my bed.
And so I went and sat down [Eb] and I just started playing the piano part.
And I remember [Gb] it _ was like the prayer I had been trying to pray [Ebm] for a year just [Gb] _ came.
The second I started playing the piano, [Db] I just, God, [Eb] don't [Gb] give up on me.
I had written [Db] three of the verses _
[Eb] _ _ _ that night and I wrote it in like 30 minutes.
And I remember [Db] the next day I was going [Eb] to play at this addiction recovery center.
_ And I would go there once a month and just play music for [Ab] the patients there.
And I was sitting in the car.
I was a little bit early.
It's about 10 minutes early [Gb] and I was sitting in the parking lot.
And I felt like I [Dbm] needed to sing the song.
And I was like, I haven't [Ab] even sang this [Ab] for anyone.
Like, this is so vulnerable and personal.
[Bbm] But I felt like it was unfinished.
[Bb] I felt like it needed another verse.
In [Db] the car I wrote what is now the third verse, which is,
God, I know it makes no sense.
You love me time and time again, but I still need reminding.
I know it makes [Db] no sense.
_ And so finally I had the finished song and it was four verses, which is kind of a long,
strange format of a song, but I just felt like it was complete.
And I walked in and I sang that for the first time.
I'd never even sang the third verse in the song before.
I'd never sang it for anyone.
_ And just the feeling in that room was so special.
Like the first time that I sang it out and to _ connect with so many people who _ _ were trying
to pray that same prayer, like it just, the song feels [Bbm] like a gift to me.
Like it [Ab] feels _ [Gb] like something that I co-wrote with God, which is _ [Bbm] the coolest [Ab] feeling.
And I just, I'm just really grateful.
[Gb] _ _ _
[Bbm] It just shifted my perspective about how quick He is to [Ab] love and how quick we are to be hard
on ourselves and to feel like we can't approach Him because we're not at a certain level or
we're not at a certain point.
But that's not what He's asking.
_ _ _ I think I felt [Db] closer to God in those broken moments when I've been humble enough to actually
approach Him and to let Him in.
I just remember when I was sitting writing, _ just finally feeling like it was okay for
me to be feeling [Db] what I was feeling.
And I think for so long I was asking the wrong question.
I was asking God to take those things away and to change things.
[Bb] _ But what I [Db] really needed was the surety that He's not going to give up on me and He's never
going to give up on me.
And that it's [Eb] okay.
It's okay to go through those things.
And it's not even just okay, but it's necessary.
And so it shifted my perspective that I didn't need [Db] the things that were happening or the
things that felt so heavy to be taken away.
[Bbm] I just needed to know that He [Ab] was with me and that He [Db] still loves me and that it was okay.
That I was changing and that my life was changing [Ab] and that my faith was [Eb] changing.
This has been a song that I come back to often.
[Ebm] The song somehow feels more and more relevant to [Db] me as the years have gone by.
And I just feel like this song is going to be a lifeline for the rest of my life.
It's going to be a prayer that I'll be praying for the rest of my life.
But I'm grateful to know now that in those moments when I feel like God's given up on
me or that _ _ I just [D] feel like there's no way I could ever approach Him like I'm too ashamed
or embarrassed that He hasn't given up on me.
It's just me.
I've given up [B] on myself or I've given [F] up on Him in ways, but He's so merciful and He's so good.
And even in those moments when I've failed Him, He never [Gb] fails me.
And to just [Bbm] plead with Him like, hey, I know I keep messing up.
I know I keep having to learn the same lessons over again.
But don't give up on me.
I love you and I'm trying.
[Fm] He's so quick to forgive and to love.
[Db] Just gives me so much hope.
So that's the long [Ab] version of yet. _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _