Chords for Time Wilson "21 and Don't Know Nothing" Stand Up Bit

I'll admit it in public, dammit I'm a Bee Gees fan. _ _
There I said it!
_ You know you're secure in your masculinity when you can blow into a rest area at 2 in the morning with stale alive blowing out your driver's side window.
_ _ Knowing good and well George Michael's waiting on your ass, the men's room. _
_ Hummin' Fanny B.
Tender with my love. _
_ Remember that song sir, Fanny B.
Tender with my love?
Bee Gees?
Fanny B.
Tender_
You don't have a Bee Gees album at home?
That's why you ain't got no women sitting with you at that table right there. _
_ _ _ _ _ [G] _ What the hell's wrong with you [A] people?
We gotta get you a Barry White album sir. _
_ _ _ [N] I don't wanna just pick on youngster here.
If you're going on marriage counselor, if a Barry White album won't fix it, it ain't fixable. _ _ _
_ _ You'll get pregnant listening to a Barry White album.
_ _ Put condoms in a CD box on him there. _ _ _ _ _ _
Get with me after the show, we're going to media play. _ _
When's your birthday?
_ _ January 31st.
I'm sending you for Christmas, or your birthday.
Let's go Christmas, you need it as early as possible.
_ _ You're getting a Marvin Gaye box set sir.
_ _ You're gonna open it up and there's gonna be Marvin ass Gaye staring at your ass.
You can't get laid to Marvin Gaye, you are gay.
_ _ _ _ _ _ [C] _
_ _ _ _ Marvin Gaye, without doubt, the greatest R&B singer that ever walked the face of God's earth.
_ _ Let me tell you why sir.
Anybody can sing a song and get laid when [N] they're talking about love, baby, sex, take your clothes off and all that kind of stuff.
Marvin Gaye has a song called,
Whoa, mercy, mercy me, oh, things ain't what they used to be.
No, no, you know that song?
He don't ever say the word love, never says the word sex, never says the word baby.
It's about fish with mercury in it's stomach. _
And women are dropping their clothes as fast as they can get them off. _
That's an R&B singer right there.
_ _ You can go out and sing a song about landfills and women are dropping their damn clothes. _
You know what I'm saying?
_ You don't even know what I'm saying.
_ _ _ You don't know what mercury is, do you sir?
_ _ _ _ How old are you sir?
21, don't know shit. _ _ _ _ _
_ In here looking for a co-signer right now, ain't you sir? _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Sitting around trying to get laid at the Pearl Jam, ain't you sir? _ _
Free as a lamb, here's a red-hot pillow made of concrete.
[G] Free as a lamb, something about a newspaper [C] that calls you can't read.
_ _ Free [Eb] as a lamb, _ something about butterflies.
_ [G] _ _
[G] I _ want you to trust your hillbilly on this one, okay?
You're 21, you're out buying Foo Fighter records and Pearl Jam and Metallica and all that kind of crap.
Trying to pick up a 20 year old girl.
Okay, sir you have no credit. _
_ You have the credit of a 9 year old, okay?
You don't need no 21 year old girl, you need a 35 year old woman sir.
_ _ _ [E] You need a woman with a job.
_ Somebody who's got credit.
[N] Somebody who can buy you a rugby shirt. _ _
_ _ And to get that, you need a Bee Gees album.
_ _ _ _ _ Then when you get 35, get a little money and some credit, then you go for the 20 year old. _
Why do you think I'm out looking for Pearl Jam albums?
[G] _ _
_ _ _ You try to help people. _
I just have to talk to him about the stuff he's listening to.
You have to understand, he don't know who Lyndon Johnson is. _
_ _ [N] You don't have a Lyndon Johnson album at home, do you sir?
_ _ You don't have one Lyndon Johnson album. _
_ See?
[G] _ _ _ _ _
Do you know who Lyndon Johnson is?
_ _ [Bbm] _
_ _ Huh? _ _ _ _
[N] You've heard of him, but you haven't got the album. _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ You know who I am, grand ma?
_ _ This is your property tax dollar at work. _ _ _ _ _ _