Chords for Tony Greene - "Jingle Bells" - comedy bit - 2000

It was a while back that we'd been on the road all weekend.
I'd gotten home on Monday morning about 9.15
_ and I had gotten _ my _ shower and I had just put my pajamas on,
got me a big thing of coffee and I was gonna sit down
and [A] read the morning paper just to relax.
_ That morning at 9.30 my telephone [D] rang and I picked it up.
It was one of our local undertakers up home.
He said, Tony, this is so and so from the funeral home.
I said, yes sir.
[G] He said, Tony, _ _ he said, Harris Smitherman's died.
I said, I'm so sorry to hear that.
I went to school with his girls.
I loved him with all my heart.
He said, the family wants to know,
would you please come sing for his funeral?
I said, sure, I'll come sing for his funeral.
That's the [F] last thing I can do.
I said, when's it, what [A] time is it, when's it start?
He said, _ _ 10 o'clock.
_ _ Ladies and gentlemen, I had 30 minutes [N]
to put my suit on,
comb my hair, get in my car and drive as hard as I could
to the funeral home, but I got there at 10 minutes
till 10 that morning.
I made it in 20 minutes.
_ [D] Record time.
I went rushing in that funeral home
and I don't know how y'all do it,
but back home we [Eb] got a little room where the family sits
[G] before that they're escorted into the chapel
[F] to start the funeral.
I walked in there and I put my arms around Ms.
Smitherman.
[D] I said, I'm so sorry to hear about Harris's death.
You know I love him.
She looked at me and she [B] said, Tony,
she said, I want you to know
you're always Harris's favorite singer.
I said, well [A] that's awful kind of you.
She [G] said, Tony, she said, _ _
he just wanted you to be here today.
I said, well I'm glad that I'm here.
[Bb] I said, Ms.
Smitherman, whatever you want,
I just want you to know I'm here to be a blessing to you
and I'll sing any song you want me to sing.
[A] She looked at me and she [Bb] said,
Tony, I want you to sing Amazing Grace.
I said, I'll do it.
She said, Tony, I want you to sing Sweet New England.
[G] I said, okay, I'll do it.
And she said, Tony, last but not [Bb] least,
I want you to sing _ Jingle Bells.
[N] _ _ _
_ _ And I said, wait a minute, Ms.
Smitherman,
I don't do Jingle Bells for funerals.
I'm sorry.
I said, that's a happy song for a happy occasion.
And I said, this is a sad occasion and I'm not doing it.
Folks, I've never seen a woman break down and weep
like she wept on my shoulder.
She said, Tony, _ she said, as Harris was laying over there
in the hospital dying, [F] she said, he told me just exactly
[G] what he wanted at his funeral service and his songs
and you just [F] gotta sing it. _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [A] I said, well, Ms.
Smitherman, if that's what you want,
_ that's what I'll do. _
_ _ So at 10 o'clock, [D] they marched the family in.
The family was seated.
I stood up and I sang Amazing Grace.
The [Cm] minister got up behind me and he read the 23rd song.
He [B] sat down, I got up and I sang Sweet Mule of Land.
After I got done, I sat down, another [N] minister stood up
and he had prayer.
And about 17 minutes after 10 o'clock, ladies and gentlemen,
that morning, I stood over a wooden [G] coffin
over Harris Smitherman and just as sad and as solemn
as I could [F] sing it, I sang.
_ _ [D] ♪ Jingle bells
_ _ _ _ _ ♪ Jingle _ bells
♪ _ _ _ _ _ _ Jingle all the way
I looked out of the corner of my eyeball
and everybody sitting in that funeral chapel was going, _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ it got so [G] bad, the undertakers got up,
walked out of the chapel.
_ _ After my [D] song was over, they started playing some [D] music
and the undertakers came down and they rolled that coffin
out of the chapel while they were playing the song
I'll Meet You in the Morning and everybody followed out
behind the family and the family walked out
of the funeral home, walked across the grass
and they were putting them in the [Dm] limousines,
getting ready to go to the cemetery and I thought,
well, I [D] don't have time to go to the cemetery
so I'm gonna go over there where Miss [Bb] Smitherman is
and I went over [A] there and I put my arms around her
and I said, Miss Hazel, I hope everything was all right.
She looked at me and she [N] said, Tony,
that's the best you've ever sang.
_ _ _ And I said, well, Miss Smitherman, I appreciate it
and I just want you to know that I'm praying for you
and I love you with all my heart
and if there's anything I can ever do for you,
I said, just let me know.
She said, Tony, she said, I just want you to pray for me
because I'm so tired.
She said, after Harris died with everybody bringing flowers
[D] and bringing food and stuff by the house,
she said, Tony, I haven't slept in nearly two days
and Tony, I just don't know what I was [A] thinking.
_ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ [F] _ I looked at her and I said, Miss Smitherman,
_ _ _ _ what do you mean you don't know what you're thinking?
_ _ She said, Lord, [D] Tony, she said, that song wasn't Jingle Bells.
What I meant to say was, when they ring those golden bells.
[N] _ _ _
I _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ ain't never been more embarrassed in all my life.