Chords for A Merry Payday Christmas - A Heist Not Attempted Before (with lyrics)

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This is a story, I promise it's [G] true, A tale of a [F] crafty old robbery crew.
[C] They could clean any safe in a minute or two, [G] They had hit every bank [F] _ _ and [C] post office too. _ _ _ _
They had snatched every diamond and valuable gem,
[D] Seemed like nothing could offer a challenge to them.
[C] Then one Christmas they hatched a most brilliant [G] score,
A plan for a [F] heist not [C] attempted before. _ _ _ _
[Am] So they painted their [G] guns white and learned how to ski,
[F] They got their [D] disguise from a Christmas tree.
[Am] Then they went to the North [G] Pole as fast as could be,
[F] They were going to rob [G] _ _ Santa's Toy [C] Factory.
_ Like shiny crew, like taking candy from a baby. _ _ _ _
They travelled through blizzards for over a week,
[G] Till they saw Santa's [F] factory upon a peak.
[C] By the candy cane fence they then started to sneak,
[G] Seemed security there [F] _ was [C] surprisingly weak. _ _ _ _ _
Round the factory building came elves on the way,
[G] Bringing bags full of toys [F] down to Santa's big sleigh.
[C] They were busy as bees but they froze at the sound,
[G] When our robbery crew [F] _ shouted down [C] on the ground. _ _ _ _
[Am] Then a plan as efficient [G] as clockwork commenced,
[F] Where they melted away [A] the elves' [G] snowball defence.
[Am] Then they hogtied the [G] reindeers inside of their fence,
[F] And the helpers soon slept, [G] _ thanks to [C] gas in the vents.
_ Last touch. _
[Dm] _ They blew up the fuse [G] box and [C] turned on night vision, _ _ _ _ _
[Dm] _ Then they utilised shape [G] charges to [C] get inside. _ _ _ _ _
[F] _ They drilled through [D] security doors [Am] with precision, _ _ _ _ _ _
[F] Then manhandled Santa _ _ and [G] had him _ _ tied. _ _ _
[C] _ _ _ _ Says him right, big red fucker. _ _ _ _ _ _
Santa was tougher to crack than they thought,
[G] He just wouldn't surrender [F] the coal for the vault.
[C] Though they stepped on his glasses so he couldn't see,
[G] And an ice pick was used [F] _ to crack open [C] his knee. _ _ _ _ _
After waterborne torture and kicking his balls,
[G] After hours of smashing [F] his face into walls,
[C] They finally realised just what did the [G] trick,
When they threatened to cut off [F] _ Santa's beard [C] so thick.
You have got a dirty mind.
[Am] So we gave up the cold and they [G] all gathered round,
[F] To find out just what treasures were there to be found.
[Am] As the vault door swung open [G] they realised why,
[Am] A heist against Santa [G] had never been tried.
[Am] They looked in the [G] vault and they all felt like _ rookies.
_ See inside there were _ just_
[C] Lots of milk and cookies. _ _
_ _ _ _ Oh dear god, you fucking amateurs.
Why do you think no one's done it before?
_ _ Dickheads. _ _
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