Chords for Asshole

[D] _ _ _ _ _ _
[G] _ _ _ [Gm] _ _ [D] _
_ _ _ [Am] _ _ _
[G] _ _ _ [Gm] _ _ _
[D] _ Folks, _ I'd like [G] to sing a song about [Gm] the American [D]
dream.
_ About me. _
[G] About you.
[Gm] _ [D] About the way our American hearts beat way down in the [Gm] bottom of our chests.
[D] _
_ About that special feeling we [G] get in the cockles of [Gm] our hearts.
[D]
Maybe below the cockles.
Maybe in the sub [G]-cockle area.
_ Maybe [D] in the liver.
Maybe [F] in the kidneys. _
[G] Maybe [E] even in the [D] colon.
_ We don't know. _ _
[G] _ _ _ [Gm] _ _ [D] _
I'm just a regular [G] Joe [Gm] with a [D] regular job.
I'm your [Gm] average white _ _ [D]
suburbanites love.
I like football [G] and porno [Gm] and books [D]
about war.
[Am] I got an [G] average house [Gm] with a nice [D] hardwood floor.
[C] My wife [G] and my job.
My [D] kids and my car.
My feet on my [G] table.
[Gm] And a [D]
Cuban cigar. _ _ _ _
[G] _ _ _ [Gm] _ _ _
[D] _ But sometimes that just [G] ain't enough [Bb] to keep a man [D] like me interested.
Oh no.
[G] No way.
[E] Uh-uh.
[D] No, I've gotta go have [G] _ fun [E] at someone else's [D] expense.
Oh yeah.
[G] Yeah, yeah.
[D] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I drive really slow [G] in the ultra-fast lane [D] while people _ behind me are going _ [Eb] insane.
[D] I'm an asshole.
He's an asshole.
[G] What an asshole.
[Gm] Yo-yo. _
[D] I'm an asshole.
He's an asshole.
[G] Such an asshole.
[Gm] Yo-yo. _
[D] I use public toilets.
And [G] I piss on [Gm] the seat.
[D] I walk around [Am] in the summertime [G] saying, how about this [D] heat?
I'm an asshole.
He's an asshole.
[G] What an asshole.
[Bb] Yo-yo. _
[D] I'm an asshole.
He's an asshole.
[G] Yo _ _ [Gm] _
-yo.
[D] Sometimes I park [G] in _ [Gm] handicapped spaces, [D] while _ handicapped people [G] make handicapped [Bb] faces.
[D] I'm an _ _ asshole, [G] yo, yo, yo, yo, [Bb] yo, yo.
[D] I'm an asshole, yo, [G] yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
[Gm] _ _ [D] _
[Em] _ Maybe I shouldn't be [A] singing this song, [Em] _ ranting and raving [A] and carrying on. _
[Em] _ Maybe they're right when [A] they tell me I'm wrong.
_ _ _ [G] _ _ _
[A] _ _ _ [Am] _ _ _
[D] _ _ I'm an asshole, [G] yo, yo, _ [Bb] yo, yo, yo, yo.
[D] I'm an asshole, _ _ [G] yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
[Gm] _ _
[D] You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get [G] myself a _ 1967 Cadillac [D] Eldorado convertible.
Hot pink, [G] with a whale [E] skin, a huff shaft, [D] an all leather cow interior [G] and big brown baby [Gm] seal eyes [D] for headlights.
Yeah!
And I'm gonna drive around in that [G] baby at [Gm] 115 miles [D] per hour, getting one mile per gallon,
sucking down quarter pounder cheeseburgers [Gm] from McDonald's in the [D] old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers.
[G] And when I'm done [Gm] sucking down those greaseball [D] burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American [G] flag,
and then I'm gonna [Bb] toss the styrofoam [D] containers right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn [G] thing anybody can do [Gm] about it.
You know [D] why?
Because we got the bombs.
That's why.
Two [G] words.
[E] Nuclear fucking [D] weapons.
Okay?
Russia, Germany, [G] Romania, they [D] can have all the democracy they want.
They can have a big democracy cake walk right through the middle of the Inman Square,
and it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs.
[G] Okay?
John Wayne's not dead.
[D]
He's frozen.
And as soon as we find a cure for [G] cancer, we're gonna throw out that [Gm] dupe,
and he's gonna [D] be pretty pissed off.
You know why?
If you're ever taking a cold [G] shower, we'll multiply [Bb] that by [D] 15 million times.
That's how pissed off the dupe's gonna be.
[G] I'm gonna get the dupe, and John gets the medis, [D] and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah,
[G] and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas A.
Hey, hey, hey!
[D] You know, you really are an asshole.
Why don't you just shut [G] up and sing the song, pal?
[D] I'm an asshole!
_ _ _ [G] _
_ _ [Bb] _ _ _ [D] _
_ A _ _ [E] _
_ _ -S [D] _ _
_ _ -S [G]-H-O [D]-L-E.
Everybody!
A-S-S-H [G]
-O [Gm]-L-E.
[D] _
A-S-S-H _ [G] _
-O _ [D] _ _ _ _
_ _ _ [G] _ _ _
[D]-L _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ -E. _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [N] _ _