Chords for Garfunkel & Oates - Handjob, Bland Job, I Don't Understand Job (Live on KXLU)

Welp, [Db] well, we've got one more _ _
It's [Eb] um as as you so much enjoyed our rap from earlier this evening or afternoon _ or morning _
_ _ _ _ _ Part of the world you're in really
_ _ _ Listening on your computer
_ Do you see that on family guy?
No, but you said said that if I just didn't know
_ So Stewie whenever he says cool whip goes cool whip and and Brian's always like no
It's whip and he'll be like say what and so you go what say why why say when when say whip whip
And I'd be like what I said whip.
It's really funny
_ Especially me recounting it on the radio.
That's the most hilarious version possible not actually watching the cartoons and watching something farland
Do it it's it's this version
That's the funniest possible version of that
_ Anyway, I was just gonna say that this is our last our last number _
but
_ _ It's basically what happened was Ricky and I are both very late bloomers
_ And so we didn't we missed a phase
We missed the handjob phase.
We're really bad at giving handjobs.
That's what I'm trying to say
_ _ To all you freshman girls start doing it now because once you're 30 no one will let you and
And then you'll just never learn we were at the University of Seattle at Washington we
basically
_ _ Freshman orientation 1400 kids and Ricky says girls.
Here's some good advice and Ricky.
What did you say?
I said just start blowing people now and the roar from the crowd all of the guys _ _
_ _ _ _ So you don't end up like us
So yeah, we're not really good at that.
Um, I and so we we um, we
We like to rap about it instead and we made an amazing beat.
Yeah, it's a it's a homemade beat
I think you'll like it like a fresh.
It's got a DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince vibe about it.
Mm-hmm
Yo, fresh yo, Aaron
_ _ _ _ Thanks Damon _
[C] _ _ All [F] right
_ Now we're [Am] talking
_ _ _ [G] _ You born after [C] 1979?
[Am] You won't get a lot of these messages.
Let's go. _
_ _ [F] _ _ _ _ [G] _ _
[C] _ [Am] Handjob, landjob.
I don't understand job. _ _ _
[E] I got a problem that I can't [F] contain it
I'll use my icky sticky rhymes to help me [A] explain it.
Handy, james are like Stonehenge to [B] me.
Robert Stack can't even unsolve this [E] mystery
I'm the messed up child of a baby [F] boomer.
I was in the gifted class, but a total late [A] bloomer
Now I got [A] a secret to get off my [B] chest went from kissing the sex but never learned the [E] rest.
In high school
I was in the marching [F] band not learning what to do with my [A] hand while other girls were dripping like a Jackson [B] Pollock
I blossom later than Mayim [D] Bialik.
I'm investigating bones
[E] I'm investigating [C] bones like [F] Deschanel trying to make a stand like Dave [A] Chappelle.
When I stare down the barrel of a semi-hard [B] dick
I feel more singled out than Chris [E] Hardwick
I said [Em] he boxed Shaq's rock and Isaac [F] Asimov
But I wasn't on the ski bus jerking people [A] off wouldn't let you touch my tits like you were vapor rubbing [B] dissin let alone
Your trachea [C] I want to learn how to make your water gates [F] flow
I'm resigning spirit [Gm] that I might never [Am] know how to HJ your LB [Bm] Johnson know less about dicks and Samantha Ronson.
Oh
Yeah, [C] I should have explored new frontiers like Wil [F] Wheaton, but I was more conservative than Alex B
[Am] Keaton I'm falling into crisis just like [G] the Dow.
I want to give a hand up, but I don't know [C] how
_ _ Hand [Am] job land job.
I don't understand job
_ [C] Do I spit do [F] I squeeze do I ever touch the top?
How can [G] I learn when you always [C] make me stop?
[Am] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [F] _ _
_ _ [G] _ _ [E] Now I'm on a full-blown [F] investigation to unlock the secrets of [A] ejaculation
I need a translator like I'm reading [B] ball back to crack the Rosetta Stone over your [E] ball sack _ _
It's not this the part that confuses me [F] the most it looks like a silly putty Pac-Man [A] ghost sometimes it's jello jiggling sometimes
It's [B] denser, but they all look like a Darth Vader Pez dispenser
[Ab] _ _ _ [E] Like Sam Jackson, [F] I'm not as good with Shaq when it's soft and flabby like President [A] tap
It's like a deep South mean that you want to make [B] straight
Will I make it up right if I move it like [E] a shake wait move it like a shake wait move it like a shake
Wait _ _ now, I'm pumping [C] like brakes that aren't anti [F]-lock trying not to go psycho on your Alfred [A] Hitchcock
I go a little faster, and then I [B] retard.
It's like a hamster that [G] you don't want to squeeze too [E] hard
I'm working my [C] hands till it gets [F] arthritis.
I'll be holding till I get the whole golden touch of [A] Midas
I think therefore I am getting my day [G] card on till I fully comprehend your Marcia gay [E] hard-on the biggest [C] throbbing question of [F] all
Seriously, what do you do with the [A] balls do I roll them like this do I mold them [G] like clay do I tickle?
I'm like oh more throw them like a party _ _
Do [C] I move them all around or cup it [F] slow?
They're like the tubal critic puppets from the Muppet [Am] show just sitting there cranky and [G] superfluous.
How about I don't touch them unless you insist
_ _ _ [C] Hand [Am] job land job.
I don't understand job
_ [C] Do I spit do [F] I skis do I ever touch the top how can [G] I learn when you [C] always make me stop?
[Am] _ _
_ _ _ _ [C] _ _ [F] _ _
_ _ [G] _ _ [C] _ _ _ _
[F] _ _ _ _ [Am] How can I learn [G] when you always make [C] me stop _ _
That's it.
That's it for [Abm] us.
That's the end of our set guys ladies.
Thank you.
Thanks everyone
How do we close this thing out?
Well, we should probably mention that we do a show at the upright Citizens Brigade
Every first Friday of the month so Garfunkel and Oats Hour.
Yeah, so feel free to come on by
We're in the Christmas show CD our Christmas show oh, yeah, you see me.
That's right Tuesday the
14th I believe yeah something like that yeah, whatever
Calm or our Facebook or our Twitter or like whatever
You know
Come on.
Bye say hello.
Yeah, and buy our album.
It's called all over your face.
It's really funny
Well, it's not out yet, but it will be soon.
Yeah, but you can get our EP on iTunes right now tunes music songs
It's funny also, so thanks everyone.
Thank you Molly.
Thanks everyone at KXLU.
Thanks for having [D] us Thanks, Jason _
Bye _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _