Chords for Magic Fingers

Hello there.
When you go on tour with a musical group, it's possible that any town can seem like this,
whether it's large or small, or busy, or if there's nothing happening in it.
The reason for this is quite simple.
A musician, if you consider the normal pattern of modern civilised life,
is on the outside of it all.
He doesn't build things, he doesn't work regular hours like a decent God-fearing citizen,
and the life he leads in many ways seems useless and irrelevant to those of us who prefer a quiet evening in front of the television and a bottle of beer.
_ Amazing as it might seem to some of us, musicians have basic physical needs, just like real people.
Many of them study for years, learning to play the violin for instance,
_ only to be rewarded with a humdrum job in the fourth row of a symphonic string section. _
That's why the government have constructed, at great expense, this experimental reorientation facility, _ _ _ _ _
[A] to find a way perhaps to [Bm] retrain these useless old musicians with their brown fiddles and little [Gb] horns.
Give them a trade, a reason to exist in a modern world, a [A] chance of a happier, more productive [Db] life.
[B] Some will enter the military, some will learn shorthand, and some will disappear in the middle of the night on a special train they're sending in. _
It's the only way really to bring about the final solution to the orchestra question.
_ _ I'm sure that many of us realise that a pop group can earn a vast amount of money, compared to these other kinds of musicians.
That's why the special government agencies for mass response programming and psychological stultification prefer to treat them in a more subtle manner.
They know, just as many of you vigilant and thoroughly upstanding citizens have discovered for yourselves,
the power of pop music to corrupt and putrefy the minds of world youth are virtually [Abm] limitless.
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[B] _ _ _ [Db] I'm not a _ _
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[Eb] _ _ [B] racist.
I'm not a racist.
I'm not a racist.
I'm [Db] not [Ab] _ a [Abm] _ _ _ _ _
[Ab] _ _ racist. _ _ _ _
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I'm _ _ _ _ _ [Db] not a racist.
I'm not a racist.
_ _ [Abm] Hold it!
[Ab] Hold it!
Hold it!
_ _ [Bb] _ _ There are a lot of reasons why I'd throw such as yourself back to this plastic hotel room.
[F] _ _ _ [G] Your genes to run a [Bb] machine attached to this queen-size, gorgeous, K-pop-infested, do-not-want-to-hag-on-a [F]-penalty _
and make you take off all your little clothes until you were nearly stark [Fm]-raving nude.
[Dm] Save [D] for your chrome with heavy-duty leather thong piece [Fm] medallion,
make you [F] assume a series of marginally erotic poses,
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an old guitar strap while I did a wee-wee in your hair,
and [Db] _ [C] beat you with a pair of tennis shoes I got from Jeff Beck.