Chords for Max Bygraves -1960 Royal Variety Performance

[N] _ _ [Db] _ [Gb] Now ladies and gentlemen, here is another young man that you all know, _ [Db] also associated with the programme.
Here he is, the [Dbm] one and only Max Bygrave.
_ _ _ _ [E] _ _ _
_ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _ [Eb] _ _
_ _ _ _ [Gm] _ _ _ _
_ [Eb] They changed our local pal into _ [F] a bowling alley
[Ab] Now things ain't what they [Eb] used to be _
_ _ There's tebs with [Abm] drainpipe trousers
And debs [Fm] in coffee [Eb] houses
And things ain't [F] what they used [Eb] to be
_ It used [Ab] to be fun _
Dad and old mum paddling down South End
But now it ain't done
_ [Abm] Never mind just Paris is [Ab] where we spend our outings
Once [Eb] our beer was frothy
But now it's frothy coffee
Well things ain't what they used to be
_ [Fm] A woman [G] stopped me in the street the other day
She didn't know me from Adam, except that I had clothes on
So she said, _ she said, excuse me
She said, [F] we are having a national [Eb] survey
Do you think the youth of Great Britain today are degenerate?
According to this survey, 3% said yes, they are degenerate
[Dm] 2% said no, they are not
And 95 [E]% said, [Fm] well what's degenerate?
_ _ _ [Ebm] _ _ [Fm] _
_ They _ [Ab] were trying to find out whether the youth of Great Britain today are any [E] different to what they [Abm] were 50 years ago
Now [Gm] a lot of people have a lot of [C] unkind things to say about the teenagers of today
But you come to work it out
50 years ago a man used to sing to [Eb] his girlfriend
He [Fm] didn't use any physical energy, [A] he just had the love light in his eyes and he sang _
[Ab] Come into the [Bb] garden [Eb] Maud
_ [Bb] And Maud used to go into the [E] garden _
_ _ [Bb] _ [Ab] And then Maud's [Gm] mum used to worry
_ _ [Ebm] Because 20 years before she'd been in the same [Cm] garden
_ _ There's no need to worry [Eb] about the teenagers [Cm] of today
Because when a kid sings [G] to his girl today, he sings
[Eb] Not [G] them black hair [B] Maud, who'll answer, [C] who'll answer
[Ab] _
When [C] he gets in the [G] garden he hasn't got [Fm] the energy, [Ab] has he?
[Eb] _ [Ab] _ _ [Fm] _ _ _ _ [Ebm] _
_ [E] We used to have [Db] _ stars, singers who sung [Cm] Dixie melody
[C]
Now they're [Ab] buying guitars, _ perigody [Eb] plucks
[E] Making themselves [Fm] with three chords [Ab] only once
[Fm] We dance from [Bb] 12 to 3, [Cm] I have got [Bb] news for Elvis
[Eb] Things ain't [Fm] what [Bb] they used [Eb] to be, the lot [Gb] we used to
[Eb] Things [Fm] ain't what they used [Eb] to _ _ _ be _ _ _ _
_ _ _ Right, [Ab] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _
[Gb] _ _ _ _ _ [Bb] _ _ _
_ _ that's my three minutes, what are we [G] going to do now?
_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ What about doing [Eb] something together?
[Gb] Well I've got an [D] idea, you know you see these acts on television
They come out [Gbm] and they get [Eb] puppets and they [E] impersonate people
_ _ [A] I thought it would be a [B] good idea if we [Cm] impersonated puppets
Oh yes, [C] what had you in mind?
Well you've seen those thin little [Eb] spindly things on television
They call themselves the trio _ [Ebm] grandioso Oh yes
Well looking at you I think we ought to do Pinky and [Eb] Perky _
_ _ _ Alright
_ [F] _ _
[Eb] _ Ah, [D] bless you _ _ _
[C] _ _ _ _ [E] Do me up, tell some jokes to cover [Ebm] the time Do me?
_ [E] _ _
_ [Am] _ You get slung out if I do _
[Gb] _ Little boy came home from school, he said
Mum, all the kids at school say I'm a [Bb] three-headed monster
His mother said, now now, you [G] mustn't worry
_ _ _ [Ab] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ [Gb] _ _ [Ab] _ Then there was a Chinese girl who christened her baby, [Eb] what went wrong?
[Abm] _ _
[Bb] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[G] _ [Bb] Man laying in bed, three o'clock in the morning, suddenly [Gbm] the phone rang
He said, hello, no you've got the wrong number, try the [G] Admiralty
_ His wife said, who was it?
He said, some fool asked me if the coast was clear _ _ _ _ _
_ [Ab] _ _ _ _ _ [Eb] _ _
_ [D] _ _ _ _ _ [Gb] _ _
[D] _ [Abm] I'll bet we'll be in trouble [D] with the rabbi tomorrow, God bless _ _ _ _ _ _ _
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[Eb] _ _ _ [Gb] I thought it was funny Sammy Davis wouldn't [Eb] talk to us
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[Cm] _ _ [Eb] There's not a [C] lot of [Gb] difference, [A] is there?
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