Chords for Rachel Bloom - "Poor Unfortunate Souls" (The Broadway Princess Party)

_ [Eb] You know, Fairy Godfairy, you know what [G] I wish more than anything?
The prince is giving a ball.
The prince is giving a ball?
The prince is giving a ball!
And more than anything, [Bb] I wish that I could go.
Don't you think you could, like, wave [F] your magic wand and make my Fairy Godmother appear?
My [Bm] child!
Are you doubting my Fairy God-fairy [Bbm] abilities?
[G] No, no, no, of course not!
[Em] I just_
Okay, good, because your Fairy Godmother had some bad Thai food and [B] she's actually indisposed for the moment.
_ [G] _ _ _ _ But I do know another [B] magical [Gm] lady who might be able to help you [Db] out.
Who?
Who's that?
_ [G]
My crazy ex-girlfriend.
Oh _ [B] my god, please get out of my way.
You guys are so [Fm] embarrassing.
_ _ [Bb] _ _ _ _ _ _
[N] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [E] _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [Gm] Who _
_ [B] _ _ _ [Bb] _ _ [Abm] _ _
_ _ [N] _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ [G] are _ _ _
_ _ _ _ [Ebm] _ [Bm] you?
Hi, so, um, yeah.
Hi, I'm Ursula.
I'm an enchantress from the ocean.
_ _ I came here [Ab] from one of those toilets [B] in the ladies' room.
Which is why they're all weirdly wet.
_ [F] Go in there, they're all weirdly [G] wet.
[N] That's my destiny.
_ Um, so here's the deal.
So, I'm an enchantress, blah blah blah.
So when I'm [G] in the ocean, I'm the most evil creature there.
But when I come on land, I take the form of the most evil creature here, which is a middle school girl.
_ _ _ [Gb] So, I [B] _
_ just like to, I don't know, [Bm] I like to de-stress.
My brothers can try and do a whole thing, so I like to come [Em] on here and make fun of girls with their [F] vomit.
_ Can [G] _ _
_ _ you help me get to the ball? _
Um, oh my god, yeah, [E] I can totally help you get [G] to the ball.
_ _ Because I'm actually, um, I'm good now and I'm turning over.
Oh, _ _ really? _ _ _ _
Yeah.
_ _ _ That's _ _ amazing.
So what can I do to get to the ball?
Yeah, okay, so the only way to get what you want, _ sweetie chickies, [E] _ _ is [G] to become someone you're not.
That [E] is horrible advice.
[Bb]
Okay, _ [Bm] _ _ you better shut up, otherwise [Db] I'm gonna strangle you with one of my tentacles.
_ Wait, I'm not an octopus right now, I don't have my tentacles, but I'm gonna strangle you.
I'm gonna come up to your toilet, [Bb] _ I'm [B] gonna strangle you later, fairy godfairy.
I'm sorry, I'm good now, I'm good [F] now. _ _
[G] _ _ _ Okay, so, so, so, how do [Bm] I do this?
What can I do?
_ Um, okay, well I'll show you.
_ So, my dear sweet child, _ sweetie, _ okay, this is what I live for, to [F] help [Ab] poor, unfortunate [F] people.
_ _ [Gm] _ _ _ [Cm] _ _
It's like, what, just, [F] just poor [C] souls who have nowhere else to turn to.
_ _ [F] I [Ab] admit that in the past I've [F] been a nasty, [C] they weren't [Ab] kidding when they called me, [Gbm] well, a witch.
_ But I [Bb] go by that [C] nowadays, [G] I [Bb] mend it [C] all my ways, [Db] repented, [Gb] seen the light, and made [C] a switch, true God.
[Ab] _ _ _ _ _ And [F] I [Cm] fortunately know [F] a little magic. _
It's a talent [C] that I've always half [Bbm]-possessed. _
[Gm] And here lately, please don't laugh, I've used it [C] on behalf [Db] of the miserable, _ [Gb] lonely, and [C] depressed,
oh my gosh, she's so pathetic, [D] guys, I can't believe she's laughing, [C]
she's like, so pathetic.
Okay, one, two, three, [Fm] four,
Poor, [C] unfortunate [Fm] souls _ _ [Gm] in pain, [C] _ [Fm] in need. _
[G] This one longing [C] to be thinner, [Fm] that one wants to get the girl, and [C] do I help them?
_ Yes, I do.
_ [E]
[F] Those poor, [C] _ [F] unfortunate souls, [C] _
so sad, _ so true.
[F] They [Gm] come flocking [C] to my cauldron [F] crying, spells are slow, please, and [Gb] do I help them?
[C] Yes, I do.
[F] _ _
_ [C] Okay, [Bbm] now it's happened once or twice.
Someone couldn't pay the price, and I'm afraid [C] I had to wring them [Fm] across the coals.
Okay, so [Gb] yes, I've had the odd complaint, _ but on the whole, [Db] I'm in, [Gb] like, a seat.
_ _ _ [Fm] To those [C] poor, [Fm] unfortunate _ souls.
_ _ _ _ _ Okay, so Cinderella, I'm gonna [C] help you get _ to [Fm] the wall.
_ _ Just like, open this _ paper [C] bag.
_ _ [Fm] _ _ _
Yeah, there's totally, _ _ [C] there's a [Fm] dress, and you're printed in there, too. _ _ _
_ That's _ _ _ _ _
_ _ [C] _ right, haha, it's a [Fm]
banana.
It's a rotten banana peel, it's never gonna help you.
I'm a mean, middle school girl. _ _
I haven't turned over a new leaf, I've pranked you, but it's like a kind of unoriginal way, because I'm 12 years old.
Five, six, seven, you [Db] poor, _ _ _
[C] _ unfortunate [F] _ _ _ souls.
Anybody need?
_ _ [G] _ _ _ [F] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _