Chords for the Jane Austen Argument "Staying Single"

Just to explain for those of you who came later, _ [A] we asked everyone here to write down
their most hilarious or bizarre breakup stories to incorporate them into this song.
And it's basically a general warning to anyone who's considering falling in love with me. _ _
_ Don't fuck with me or you'll end up in a song like this.
[C#m] _ It's called Staying Single.
[D] _ _ _
_ [E] _ _ _ _ _ _ [A] _
_ _ _ _ _ [C#m] _ _ _
_ [D] _ _ _ _ _ [E] _ _
_ [A] _ Everyone I flirt with [C#m] has another lover I [D] discover, or they want to keep me for [E] _
eternity.
_ [A] _ Everyone I sleep with has a [C#m] pre-existing non-commitment, [D] or need a place to live [E] with urgency.
[A] And where's the [E] fun in [D] that?
No _ [E] thanks, I think I'm staying [A] single. _ _
_ [C#m] _ _ _ _ [D] Oh, I _ [E] _ think I'm [A] staying single. _
_ [C#m] _ _ And _ [D] _ _
_ _ [E] _ _ _ [A] the ants go marching two by [C#m] two into the night without [D] emerging, urging me to stay
at [E] home and watch [A] TV.
And at 5am I hear them screaming [E] empty words devoid of [D] meaning.
It could be [E] orgasm or agony.
[A] And where's the [E] fun in [D] that?
_ No [E] thanks, I think I'm staying [A] single.
_ _ [C#m] _ _ Oh, [D] _
_ _ [E] I think I'm [B] staying single.
[A] _ _ _ [C#m] _ And [D] _
_ _ _ _ [B] _ [E] _ _ [D]
at night there's nothing [F#m] finer than being home with wine and [E] I'm ignoring all the signs
of my [D] own nunnery.
But if someone were to love me they [F#m] might hold that love above [E] me and I'd never get
enough of all their [D] want and need.
They'd play the game and then I'd lose, [F#m] rip it up and kill the mood, [E] and then I'd give them attitude.
[D] No way, I think I'm [A] staying single.
_ _ [C#m] Fuck you, oh wait no, [D] let's not.
_ _ [E] Because I'm [A] staying single.
_ [C#m] Keep yourself to [D] _
yourself.
_ [E] Because I'm staying [A] single.
And I don't really [C#m] care if you're in an open relationship [D] because technically fuck with
that still means that [E] you're taken.
I am staying [A] single.
You [C#m] left me for a midget [D] Nazi.
_ _ [E] So I'm staying [A] single.
Thanks [C#m] to Twitter I broke up with someone I've [D] never even met.
Twice.
[E] I am staying [A] single.
My psycho ex [C#m] keeps leaving inappropriate messages [D] on my Facebook wall.
[E] So they're staying [A] single.
_ [C#m] I fell in love with a guy in a musical [D] about zombies but apparently when [E] I'm not playing
the piano while [A] soaked in fake blood it's not so appealing.
[C#m] _ _ _ [D] _ _
_ _ [E] It's good you're staying [A] single.
_ Nothing [C#m] says fuck off you pathetic [D] excuse for a human more than a random [E] drunken pass
with a girl you actually thought was a [A] guy.
I'm staying single.
_ [C#m] _ _ _ _ [D] _ _
_ _ [E] _ _ _ [A] They mutually agreed that [C#] they could both just [D] do better.
_ _ [E] _ Now they're both [A] single.
_ _ [C#m] Realised an ex was actually [D] related at the funeral of a mutual [E] relative.
I'm staying [A] single.
_ [C#m] I never got over the painful [D] phone breakup with my first boyfriend [E] when I was 12.
I am [A] staying single.
I'm [C#m] not sure that last one fit with the [D] hilarious criteria for this song.
[E] _ I am staying [A] single.
Your [C#m] _ name _ was_ [Dm] Craig. Craig.
_ _ [D#] _ _ [C#m] _ _
_ So _ _ _ _ _ [C#] I'm _ _ _ _ staying_
Somehow [D#] in a living _ [A] relationship _ [F]
now.
[C#] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ [G] _ [D] _ _
_ _ [G] _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ [Cm] _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _