Chords for Victoria Wood - Pam Song LIVE

_ _ [B] _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [E] _
Can I [D] tell you [A] who I am?
Pamela Patricia, but they call me Pam
I don't like shorts or slingback shoes
My only pair of trousers are my gardening trees
[D] I don't say [A] who, I don't say [B] whom
I never use the toilet, [E] just the smallest room
[A] I don't say gay, I still say queer
I think that Mussolini had the right idea
[B] Oh, _ [A] _ _ [F#] da-da-da-da
Got engaged in 62
Got married in the April in a nice pale blue
It all turned sour [D] to say [A] the least
I was stuck in Abergele with a sex-crazed beast
[D]
A wedding [F#m] night I heard a cough
[B] There was Harold in the doorway with his jammers [E] off
[A] I said, now look, I must be blunt
I couldn't give a beggar on the whole sex front
Not [F#m] me, not my scene
I prefer a game of [E] rummy and an ovaltine
[A] Harold, [D] dear, now do get [G#] dressed
I've seen one in a book and [A] I was not impressed
[F#] I was born [F] with a hole in my back
[F#] _ _ _ _ _ [E] _ _ _
[G] _ _ _ _ _ _ [A] Once divorced, I lived alone
Then I chummed up with a woman by the name of Joan _
She moved in, she seemed quite nice
Wore army boots and braces, but I didn't [F#] think twice _
_ [D] Then one [F#m] night she seemed upset
[B] I said, are you not happy [E] in my maisonette?
She drained her rum and [A] baby-chan
Ran her fingers through her crew-cut, said, I love you, Pam
[F#] _ _ [A] _ _ _ [E] I [A] didn't faint, I [A] didn't scream
Just carried on demolishing my custard cream
She said, please come [Dm] upstairs [A] with me
Let me show you just how wonderful a love can be
I said, alright, but don't be [B] late
There's a thing by Alan Bennett [E] on at half-past eight
[A] So up we go [D] and off [A] she went
But the only thing that happened was my specs got bent
[D] _
Not me, how I [B] feel
I'd rather have a [E] coffee and a wagon wheel
Joan, [D] dear, [A] do get dressed
No woman over forty suits a mauve string vest
_ _ _ [F#] _ _ [E] _ [A] Then last year to [A] beat the blues
I booked myself a cabin on a ten-day cruise
So much to do, so much to see
With a load of single women who look just like me
Then one night [F#m] I clicked like that
With [B] a bachelor [E] called Billy in a golfing hat
We were so happy, [A] hand in hand
Listening to a lecture on the prostate gland
I [F#] told _
_ [E] _ [A] him sex had been no-go
He took it as a challenge and we went below
We kissed [D] and hugged without [A] delay
He tried to take my rain hood off, I said, no way
[A] _ Ten _ _ [D] _
_ [F#m] whole [B] pounds, I bet you have an [E] orgasm while I'm around
[A] He got stuck in, [Dm] he really [G#] tried
But I only felt a tremor down my [A] left hand side _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[D] Not me, [G#] that's my boast
I prefer a bit of [E] ironing and a round of toast
[A] Bill, dear, do get dressed
But he just fell over moaning as he clutched his chest, he went
[B] That [A] _ _ [E] type of sound
[Am] Bill was dead, he died for me
They took him on a stretcher as I drank my tea
But as [Dm] I poured [A] another cup
I thought, I've never had that [F#] orgasm
I'm ten quid up
_ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _