Chords for Victoria Wood -Things Would Never Have Worked - An Audience With...
Tempo:
93.4 bpm
Chords used:
C
G
F
Am
Db
Tuning:Standard Tuning (EADGBE)Capo:+0fret
Start Jamming...
[C] But the best thing about it is, you see, that Connie
Connie plays and sings till about two o'clock in the morning.
And it's nice, you know, if you've maybe [F] had a couple of drinks too many,
you're sitting up at the bar,
you're thinking [C] about somebody you loved and lost so many years before,
and [Dm] Connie's husky voice [G] comes drifting [F] through [G] the smoke.
[C] Oh, do you like to be [G] with that?
But Connie's actually [Am] a very, very talented singer-songwriter.
How can I describe her if you've never heard her?
She's such a mixture of Barry Manilow, Susanne Vega and Carly Simon.
She's got a big nose, a headscarf,
and she'd get a whole wagon wheel in her mouth without biting it into it.
[C]
But she's [Am] been around, has Connie.
She's been around.
And her songs [F] reflect that.
[C] There's one about Aberystwyth.
[Am] But she's [Em] been in love.
[Am] And she's been [G] hurt.
[C] It's over.
[G] [F] We've missed the bus.
[C] Nice idea.
But [F] not for us.
[B] We [E] didn't click.
Let's make it quick and [Am] say goodbye.
[C] [B] Don't hold [E] my hand and [Am] don't demand a reason [C] why.
No loving looks.
[F] No fond regards.
[Dm]
Tonight was [G] always on the [C] cards.
I like [Am] big muscles.
[F] You were [G] thin and lanky.
[C] I [Am] like nice [D] manners.
You [G] were far too [C] cranky.
You blew [E] your nose and then looked [A] in your [D] hanky.
[C] Things would never have [G] worked.
[C] [Am] The day I met you was [F] a real [G] heart [C]-wrencher.
I thought [Am] that love would be a [G] big adventure.
[C] Then [Gm] saw the spinach on your [A] bottom denture.
[D] [C] Things would never have worked.
I [F] wanted champagne and oysters.
Because that's [G] the way [C] I am.
You [F] gave me Vimto,
tinned [D] carrots,
and [G] Spam.
[C] Rapport is a thing you [F] just can't [G] [C] manufacture.
You had [Am] your pinup [D] girl.
I [G] couldn't [C] match her.
[Gm] I didn't want to.
It was [A] Mrs.
Thatcher.
[C] Things would never have worked.
[G]
[C] [Am] I wanted love to come [F] and knock [G] our blocks [C] off.
[Am] But even [D] Venus takes [Em] her card and [G] clocks [C] off.
Your [Gm] idea of foreplay was to take [A] your [D] socks off.
[C] I [F] wanted moonlights and roses
and all [G] that silly [Am] tosh.
You [F] wanted gerbils,
[C] a whippet,
[Dm] a [G] wash.
[Dm] [Ab] [Db] I wanted love poems but you couldn't [Ab] write [Db] them.
[Bbm] My earlobes nibbled but [Eb] you [Ab] wouldn't bite [Db] them.
You'd only [Abm] fart and [Bb] attempt to light [Eb] them.
[Db] [Ab]
[Db] We're not compatible, [Gb] let's not get blue, [Ab] dear.
[Db]
At least we see each other's point [Ab] of view, dear.
[Db] I like [B] big hunky [Ab] men,
and [Bb] so do you, [Eb] dear.
[Gb] [Db] [Dbm] [N]
Connie plays and sings till about two o'clock in the morning.
And it's nice, you know, if you've maybe [F] had a couple of drinks too many,
you're sitting up at the bar,
you're thinking [C] about somebody you loved and lost so many years before,
and [Dm] Connie's husky voice [G] comes drifting [F] through [G] the smoke.
[C] Oh, do you like to be [G] with that?
But Connie's actually [Am] a very, very talented singer-songwriter.
How can I describe her if you've never heard her?
She's such a mixture of Barry Manilow, Susanne Vega and Carly Simon.
She's got a big nose, a headscarf,
and she'd get a whole wagon wheel in her mouth without biting it into it.
[C]
But she's [Am] been around, has Connie.
She's been around.
And her songs [F] reflect that.
[C] There's one about Aberystwyth.
[Am] But she's [Em] been in love.
[Am] And she's been [G] hurt.
[C] It's over.
[G] [F] We've missed the bus.
[C] Nice idea.
But [F] not for us.
[B] We [E] didn't click.
Let's make it quick and [Am] say goodbye.
[C] [B] Don't hold [E] my hand and [Am] don't demand a reason [C] why.
No loving looks.
[F] No fond regards.
[Dm]
Tonight was [G] always on the [C] cards.
I like [Am] big muscles.
[F] You were [G] thin and lanky.
[C] I [Am] like nice [D] manners.
You [G] were far too [C] cranky.
You blew [E] your nose and then looked [A] in your [D] hanky.
[C] Things would never have [G] worked.
[C] [Am] The day I met you was [F] a real [G] heart [C]-wrencher.
I thought [Am] that love would be a [G] big adventure.
[C] Then [Gm] saw the spinach on your [A] bottom denture.
[D] [C] Things would never have worked.
I [F] wanted champagne and oysters.
Because that's [G] the way [C] I am.
You [F] gave me Vimto,
tinned [D] carrots,
and [G] Spam.
[C] Rapport is a thing you [F] just can't [G] [C] manufacture.
You had [Am] your pinup [D] girl.
I [G] couldn't [C] match her.
[Gm] I didn't want to.
It was [A] Mrs.
Thatcher.
[C] Things would never have worked.
[G]
[C] [Am] I wanted love to come [F] and knock [G] our blocks [C] off.
[Am] But even [D] Venus takes [Em] her card and [G] clocks [C] off.
Your [Gm] idea of foreplay was to take [A] your [D] socks off.
[C] I [F] wanted moonlights and roses
and all [G] that silly [Am] tosh.
You [F] wanted gerbils,
[C] a whippet,
[Dm] a [G] wash.
[Dm] [Ab] [Db] I wanted love poems but you couldn't [Ab] write [Db] them.
[Bbm] My earlobes nibbled but [Eb] you [Ab] wouldn't bite [Db] them.
You'd only [Abm] fart and [Bb] attempt to light [Eb] them.
[Db] [Ab]
[Db] We're not compatible, [Gb] let's not get blue, [Ab] dear.
[Db]
At least we see each other's point [Ab] of view, dear.
[Db] I like [B] big hunky [Ab] men,
and [Bb] so do you, [Eb] dear.
[Gb] [Db] [Dbm] [N]
Key:
C
G
F
Am
Db
C
G
F
[C] But the best thing about it is, you see, that Connie_
Connie plays and sings till about two o'clock in the morning.
And it's nice, you know, if you've maybe [F] had a couple of drinks too many,
you're sitting up at the bar,
you're thinking [C] about somebody you loved and lost so many years before,
and [Dm] Connie's husky voice _ [G] comes drifting [F] through [G] the smoke.
[C] Oh, do you like to be [G] with that? _ _
But Connie's actually [Am] a very, very talented singer-songwriter.
How can I describe her if you've never heard her?
She's such a mixture of Barry Manilow, Susanne Vega and Carly Simon.
She's got a big nose, a headscarf,
and she'd get a whole wagon wheel in her mouth without biting it into it.
[C] _ _ _ _ _
But she's [Am] been around, has Connie.
She's been around.
And her songs [F] reflect that. _
[C] There's one about Aberystwyth. _ _ _ _
[Am] But she's [Em] been in love.
_ [Am] _ And she's been [G] hurt.
_ _ [C] It's over.
[G] _ [F] We've missed the bus.
[C] Nice idea.
But [F] not for us.
[B] We [E] didn't click.
Let's make it quick and [Am] say goodbye.
[C] [B] Don't hold [E] my hand and [Am] don't demand a reason [C] why.
No loving looks.
[F] No fond regards.
[Dm]
Tonight was [G] always on the [C] cards.
I like [Am] big muscles.
[F] You were [G] thin and lanky.
[C] I [Am] like nice [D] manners.
You [G] were far too [C] cranky.
You blew [E] your nose and then looked [A] in your [D] hanky.
[C] Things would never have [G] worked.
_ [C] [Am] The day I met you was [F] a real [G] heart [C]-wrencher.
I thought [Am] that love would be a [G] big adventure.
[C] Then [Gm] saw the spinach on your [A] bottom denture.
[D] [C] Things would never have worked.
I [F] wanted champagne and oysters.
Because that's [G] the way [C] I am.
You [F] gave me Vimto,
tinned [D] carrots,
and [G] Spam.
_ _ [C] Rapport is a thing you [F] just can't [G] [C] manufacture.
You had [Am] your pinup [D] girl.
I [G] couldn't [C] match her.
[Gm] I didn't want to.
It was [A] Mrs.
Thatcher.
[C] Things would never have worked.
[G] _
[C] [Am] I wanted love to come [F] and knock [G] our blocks [C] off.
[Am] But even [D] Venus takes [Em] her card and [G] clocks [C] off.
Your [Gm] idea of foreplay was to take [A] your [D] socks off.
[C] _ I [F] wanted moonlights and roses
and all [G] that silly [Am] tosh.
You [F] wanted gerbils,
[C] a whippet,
[Dm] a [G] wash.
[Dm] _ [Ab] _ [Db] I wanted love poems but you couldn't [Ab] write [Db] them.
[Bbm] My earlobes nibbled but [Eb] you [Ab] wouldn't bite [Db] them.
You'd only [Abm] fart and [Bb] attempt to light [Eb] them.
[Db] _ _ _ [Ab] _ _ _ _
[Db] _ We're not compatible, [Gb] let's not get blue, [Ab] dear.
[Db]
At least we see each other's point [Ab] of view, dear.
[Db] I like [B] big hunky [Ab] men,
and [Bb] so do you, [Eb] dear.
_ [Gb] _ [Db] _ [Dbm] _ _ _ [N] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Connie plays and sings till about two o'clock in the morning.
And it's nice, you know, if you've maybe [F] had a couple of drinks too many,
you're sitting up at the bar,
you're thinking [C] about somebody you loved and lost so many years before,
and [Dm] Connie's husky voice _ [G] comes drifting [F] through [G] the smoke.
[C] Oh, do you like to be [G] with that? _ _
But Connie's actually [Am] a very, very talented singer-songwriter.
How can I describe her if you've never heard her?
She's such a mixture of Barry Manilow, Susanne Vega and Carly Simon.
She's got a big nose, a headscarf,
and she'd get a whole wagon wheel in her mouth without biting it into it.
[C] _ _ _ _ _
But she's [Am] been around, has Connie.
She's been around.
And her songs [F] reflect that. _
[C] There's one about Aberystwyth. _ _ _ _
[Am] But she's [Em] been in love.
_ [Am] _ And she's been [G] hurt.
_ _ [C] It's over.
[G] _ [F] We've missed the bus.
[C] Nice idea.
But [F] not for us.
[B] We [E] didn't click.
Let's make it quick and [Am] say goodbye.
[C] [B] Don't hold [E] my hand and [Am] don't demand a reason [C] why.
No loving looks.
[F] No fond regards.
[Dm]
Tonight was [G] always on the [C] cards.
I like [Am] big muscles.
[F] You were [G] thin and lanky.
[C] I [Am] like nice [D] manners.
You [G] were far too [C] cranky.
You blew [E] your nose and then looked [A] in your [D] hanky.
[C] Things would never have [G] worked.
_ [C] [Am] The day I met you was [F] a real [G] heart [C]-wrencher.
I thought [Am] that love would be a [G] big adventure.
[C] Then [Gm] saw the spinach on your [A] bottom denture.
[D] [C] Things would never have worked.
I [F] wanted champagne and oysters.
Because that's [G] the way [C] I am.
You [F] gave me Vimto,
tinned [D] carrots,
and [G] Spam.
_ _ [C] Rapport is a thing you [F] just can't [G] [C] manufacture.
You had [Am] your pinup [D] girl.
I [G] couldn't [C] match her.
[Gm] I didn't want to.
It was [A] Mrs.
Thatcher.
[C] Things would never have worked.
[G] _
[C] [Am] I wanted love to come [F] and knock [G] our blocks [C] off.
[Am] But even [D] Venus takes [Em] her card and [G] clocks [C] off.
Your [Gm] idea of foreplay was to take [A] your [D] socks off.
[C] _ I [F] wanted moonlights and roses
and all [G] that silly [Am] tosh.
You [F] wanted gerbils,
[C] a whippet,
[Dm] a [G] wash.
[Dm] _ [Ab] _ [Db] I wanted love poems but you couldn't [Ab] write [Db] them.
[Bbm] My earlobes nibbled but [Eb] you [Ab] wouldn't bite [Db] them.
You'd only [Abm] fart and [Bb] attempt to light [Eb] them.
[Db] _ _ _ [Ab] _ _ _ _
[Db] _ We're not compatible, [Gb] let's not get blue, [Ab] dear.
[Db]
At least we see each other's point [Ab] of view, dear.
[Db] I like [B] big hunky [Ab] men,
and [Bb] so do you, [Eb] dear.
_ [Gb] _ [Db] _ [Dbm] _ _ _ [N] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _