Chords for FASCINATING AIDA - Dogging

[Bb] _ _ _ _ _ _ _
My husband came on Friday with a brand new motor car.
He told me I could drive [F] it.
I said, Brian, you're a star.
We drove down to the boozer for a vodka and a fag.
Then, of course, we had to celebrate the purchase [Bb] with a shag.
We go dogging.
[Eb] We go dogging.
[F] We're a treat for any passers [Bb]-by out jogging.
We do it because we [Eb] found that when people crowd around,
[F] it is somehow more profound [Bb] when you're dogging. _ _ _
_ _ _ Well, now, some of the older members of the audience
might have a little bit of difficulty with this one, but, um_
I'd just say, hang on in there, and I think the meaning will shine through.
_ _ _ _ Bill, how are you doing?
_ _ _ Anyhow, if you are still a little bit in the dark at the end,
just ask a young person or, uh_
Google.
_ _ _ Just don't take your computer for repair immediately afterwards. _ _ _ _ _
Well, we drove down to the far end of the car park back of Asda.
A threesome was hot at [F] it in a sporty little Mazda.
It made it more exciting as they pressed against the glass.
And when Brian got his torch out, you could see right up her arse.
[Bb] They were dogging.
[Eb] They were dogging.
[F] Believe me, they were more than [Bb] merely snogging.
But though her cheeks were [Eb] parted, she spoilt it when she [F] farted,
and we wanted to get started on [Bb] our dogging. _ _ _ _
_ How are the older members doing now? _
Not finding it too impenetrable?
_ _ _ Those of a sensitive disposition, leave now. _ _ _
Well, we rushed back to our car, cos we were randy as two goats.
But being late November, we [F] had on our duffle coats.
We should have stripped off first before getting back inside,
cos disrobing in a smart car isn't easy.
Have you tried?
[Bb] We were dogging.
[Eb] We were dogging.
[F] In the struggle, poor old Brian tore his frogging.
[Bb] Our apparel was [Eb] misguided, cos when our heads [F] collided,
Brian's manhood then subsided with [Bb] us dogging.
_ _ Well, I admit this was a setback, but I wasn't beaten yet,
cos I'm really very handy [F] with my man's brief bayonet.
I quickly had his flagpole up, responding to my touch,
and the next thing I was upside down and staring at [Bb] the clutch.
We were dogging.
[Eb] We were dogging.
[F] The heat was on to stop the windows [Bb] fogging.
Thank God for plastic sheeting, [Eb] well, one must protect the seating,
[F] cos the [Bb] fabric takes a beating when you're dogging.
_ _ Well, by now a crowd had gathered, it was cheering fit to burst,
and Brian was close to [F] peaking, though he likes me to come first.
My legs were out the sunroof as I really hit my stride,
then Brian abruptly stopped and cried,
The [Db] browsers are [Bb] outside!
We were dogging!
[Eb] We were dogging!
[F] We were so alarmed our [Bb] arteries were clogging.
But we took it on the chin [Eb] when the coppers with a grin [F] said,
Can anyone [Bb] join in with your dogging? _
[G] Well, _ _ [C] as you can imagine, Brian, I was thrilled to bits.
I loved to feel a [G] copper's truncheon in between my tits.
My ecstasy was mounting, I was feeling so alive,
when who should wonder why but a bloke from Channel 5?
[C] He likes dogging!
[F] He likes dogging!
[G] He signed us for a series, he [C] was flogging.
So watch out for Brian, me, [F] and the odd celebrity.
[G] We were shagging on [C] TV, likely dogging.
We'll be dogging, [F] we'll be dogging.
[G] Oh, stink of all the limelight, [C] we'll be hogging.
Well, the credits show my hand, _ [F]
massaging [D] Brian's gland.
The [G] presenters Russell [C] Brand, Lovely Dogging!
_ _ _ _ Always _ _ [Bb] _ _ _ have a sensitive disposition.
Leave now.
_ _ _ Well, we rushed back to our car, cos we were randy as two goats.
But being late November, we [F] had on our duffle coats.
We should have stripped off first before getting back inside,
cos [Bb] disrobing in a smart car isn't easy.
Have you tried?
We were dogging, [Eb] we were dogging.
[D] Absolutely wonderful.
I mean, they're so clever,
it's [N] so brilliantly written, and musically it's absolutely [D] fantastic as [C] well.
I'm [Dbm] getting it.
[Dm] Yes, it's true.
_ [D] I'm getting [G] it.
[C] Whoop-de [G]-doo!
It's witty, it's energetic, it's topical.
[Ab] A bit [A] raunchy, have [Bb] fun.
Oh, it [Eb] isn't too [Bb] late, it isn't [Eb] too late, it isn't too late to be famous.
[C] Having a roast [Fm] with Cal and Best and both [Bb] of the Proclaimers.
See us here, [Eb] see us there, see us [Bb] bloody everywhere.
Check into [Eb] a clinic, don't [Bb] be a cynic.
It's meant to be [Eb] [A] famous.
So [G] what, I hear you ask, exactly is the reason for the credit crunch?
[Bb] The fault lies with the banks, whose senior personnel are frankly [C] out to [Bb] lunch.
_ _ _ [Eb] [Fm] Safety!
[Bb] Hooray for the [Eb] nanny state!
I [N] love the health and safety song with the girl guys, it was very funny,
hadn't heard that [Bb] before, really clever.
I [Fm] had [G] to do something [Cm] to assuage the girls' [Eb] regrets,
so we [Fm] spent the night with a tube of lube [Bb] putting condoms on courgettes.
_ _ _ [Gm] Doesn't matter [D] if you [Gb] sing out [Gm] of [D] tune, [Gb] so long [D] as you're German.
[B] It's one [G] of those things that looks deceptively simple,
but I think it's incredibly hard work and [F] they do a fantastic job.
Yeah, great night out, very recommended.
_ _ _ [N] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _