Chords for Ray Stevens - The Haircut Song (Original)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ [G] _ _
_ _ _ _ Well, when you get a haircut, [C] you better go [G] back home.
When you get a haircut, [D] get a barber you have known.
Since you were a [G] little bitty [C] boy sitting in a [A] booster chair.
Cause [G] you might look like [Em] Larry Moore curly if a stranger cuts [G] your hair.
_ Oh Lord.
_ Well, Butte, Montana, just passing [A] through.
One thing [D] I just had to [C] do.
Had to get a [D] haircut [G] and I was worried [D] for my hair.
[G] I had a feeling of impending [D] doom.
The minute I stepped into that [C] room.
Laid my eyes upon that [G] barber chair.
Oh [Em] yeah.
It was a macho barber shop.
_ Hairdryers mounted on a rifle rack.
Wasn't no mirrors.
Barber chair was a Peterbilt. _
Barber walked in, he was huge.
Seven feet tall, 300 pounds of spring steel and rawhide.
Wearing a hard hat, chewing a cigar, had a t-shirt on, said, I hate musicians.
_ Threw me in the chair, sneered and said, what'll it be, pal?
Now a lot of people would be intimidated in a situation like this.
I was not.
I am what I am.
Play my piano, sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye.
I said, I'm a logger.
_ Just up from Coos Bay, Oregon.
Been topping trees.
Quite possibly the toughest man in the entire world.
He said, all right.
He gave me a haircut and I walked out of there.
My hair was gone.
Make Kojak look like Bill Golden.
_ _ Yeah, had a tremendous craving to operate heavy equipment.
_ Now you may think that that Butte, Montana haircut's the worst any man could ever get.
Wrong.
_ [G] Well, a few months later I was in L [A].A.
Trucking along [D] on a smoggy day.
[C] Needed a [D] haircut so bad I looked [G] like Bozo [D] the Clown.
[G] Eyes looking shaggy, not too [D] good.
I'd put it off as long as I [C] could.
I said, Lord, I hate to [D] get a haircut [G] out of town.
_ _ [Em] Well, I walked in, realized immediately that this guy was into punk rock.
The walls were done in black leather.
Had chains and whips and handcuffs hanging on them.
Barber walked in, he had orange hair.
_ Black mascara.
_ _ Stainless steel teeth. _ _
Black leather jacket with zinc studs.
He threw me in the chair, hit me a couple of times.
Whap, whap, chained me down, threw a Nazi flag over me.
Said, I'm gonna tell you something that might make you a little nervous.
I laughed.
_ _ I said, what could possibly make me nervous?
He said, I'm gay. _
No problem.
I'm not threatened in any way.
I mean, I'm secured in my manhood.
Everything's cool.
I am what I am.
Played my little piano, sang my little song.
I looked him right in the eye and said, I'm a logger.
_ Played football in high school.
I was in the Marine Corps.
He said, all right, and he gave me a haircut.
I walked out of there, friends, my hair was purple.
Well, at least that mohawk section down the middle was purple.
_ Had a white streak down one side. _
Other side looked like Mr.
T.
_ Had a couple safety pins in my cheeks.
_ Felt a teeny bit conspicuous.
Luckily, my next job was in San Francisco. _
Shoot, I got up there, I didn't even stand out at all.
Wasn't even close.
Those people thought I was an insurance salesman.
_ [G] Well, a few months later, I was way down [A] south.
Grits and [D] gravy and a hush of [C] mouth.
My hair so [D] long, I started to look [G] like a man in [D] drag.
[G] It was then that the sheriff came up and [D] said,
Boy, you got too much hair on your head.
[C] You better get [D] yourself a haircut [G] or a dog tag.
_ [Em] _
Well, when I stepped into the shop,
I realized immediately that I was dealing with a born-again barber.
_ Don't see too many barber shops with a steeple.
Had an organ in the corner.
_ Choir.
_ An usher led me to the barber chair.
_ Barber walked in, started saying grace.
Oh, Lord, for these haircuts we are about to receive,
may we be truly thankful.
Dominus possum, pox probistus, post mortem, et tu,
fi fait, et tu, et la carburantum.
He was sort of half Baptist, half Catholic.
Kind of a cat-dick.
He started cutting my hair and preaching at the same time.
I mean, he's a wild man.
Scissors and razors are flying around my head.
He's talking about liquor and wild women and music and sex
and the evils of dancing and the music business in general.
Then he looked down at me and he said, what do you do for a living?
Now I'm not ashamed of what I do for a living.
_ Working bars and casinos around liquor and wild women.
I just play my piano, sing my little songs.
I looked him right in the eye and said, _ I run this church for loggers.
_ _ [G] When you get a haircut, [C] be sure to go [G] back home.
When you get a haircut, [D] get a barber you have known.
Since you were a [G] little bitty boy [C] sitting in a booster [A] chair.
You [D] might look like [Em] Mary Moore Curly if a stranger cuts [G] your hair.
_ _ Oh, yeah.
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