Chords for Will Varley - 'Talking Cat Blues' (Official video)

[Bb] _ _ _ _ Last night when I couldn't [Eb] sleep I was scrolling through my news [F] feed
[C] Reading [Bb] everyone's crap and watching viral videos
I was looking at some wedding photographs [Eb] I looked at them for an hour and a [F] half
Till I realized they were all of people I [Bb] didn't know
_ _ When my girlfriend got up for [Eb] work she looked at me like I was dirt
[F] She said, you're lazy, you're [Bb] ruining my life and you're getting fat
_ She said, I know you want to spend another day in [Eb] bed
But I need you to take the cat to the vet
[F] [Bb] And I'm leaving you and I'm never coming back
_ [Eb] And as she slammed the door I shouted [F] back
[Bb] What's the problem with the cat? _ _ _
Well I got out of bed, emptied [Eb] the tank
Went downstairs in my pants
[F] And the cat [Bb] was sitting at the breakfast bar
Drinking my gin, playing my guitar
_ Smoking [Eb] my cigars, wearing [F] my bra
Singing Kanye West songs
He [Bb] was singing I'm so great, yes it's [Eb] true
I'm so great and I'm better than you
[F] [Gm] And I am [F] essentially [Bb] a god _
Well I videoed the cat, put it on YouTube
[Eb] Within half an hour we had a million views
[F] I called it [C] 7 Things [Bb] Cats Can Do [F] That Really [Bb] Will Blow Your Mind
And _ around about then the telephone [Eb] rang
It doesn't ring for long so I ran
[F] But I tripped up on an [Bb] empty bottle of gin
And I grazed my knees, tumbling [Eb] down
Smashed my head on the [F] ground
With [C] the last [Bb] little energy in my [F] bones
[Bb] Reached out to pick up the [F] phone
And a voice on the other line said
_ [Bb] Have you [Eb] had a trip or fall [F] in the last 6 [Bb] months that wasn't your fault?
_ I said yes, yes I have
_ Then I said my girlfriend's just left me
And you wanna go to Burger King with me sometime? _ _
She hung up
Well the telephone rang for a [Eb] second time
And a man's voice on the other line [F] said
Senior [Bb] Cat, I'm gonna make him a star
_ He needs a haircut and some singing [Eb] lessons
But he does a great Kanye West impression
[F] I can put his song on an advert [Bb] selling a car
_ Well we made a lot of money and we had an [Eb] affair
At one point we were like Sonny and [F] Cher
But that [C] cat got [Bb] hooked on powdered milk
_ One night we were drinking in a dead end [Eb] bar
When a guy came over with his guitar
[F] Said, you're that [Bb] cat I seen [F] on the internet
Sing me a song you little [Bb] pussy
Well the cat went in to swing a [Gm] punch
But the other guy must have had [Cm] spinach for lunch
Cause he threw that [Bb] little cat across the room _
He grazed his paws on the [Eb] ground
He smashed his head [Cm] tumbling down
I rung up the [Bb] insurance company there [F] and then
[Gm] Said my [Bb] cat's had a [F] triple fall in the last six months
That wasn't his fault
[Bb] And the voice said, [F] sorry no win, no felines
_ [Bb] _ _ _
Then David Cameron came walking [Eb] by
As he often does in these songs of [F] mine
He was helping the poor
Trying to stop [Bb] the war
[F]
Saving the NHS
Being [C] honest about the nature of [F] the West
I made a video, put it on YouTube
Called it 4 Things David Cameron Can Do That'll [Bb] Blow Your Mind
_ But the comments section got out of hand
[Eb] Everyone arguing, religion [F] and land
Ended up being [Bb] the cause of World War 3
And that war got worse and in no [Eb] time
Gunshots rang out through the night
[Bb] And the soldiers all came marching [F] by
And the atom bombs fell from the sky
[Gm] And as we were engulfed by [F] the [C] flames
That little cat looked up [F] at me
[C] Said [Bb] this is one thing [F] human beings will do [Ab] that'll blow [Bb] your mind
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