Chords for You Don't Wanna Know - Loudon Wainwright III

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ It was colder than a witch's tit, [Ab] colder than a polar [Eb] bear's nose _ _
Colder than the shoulder of my old [Ab] flame, colder than [Bb] hell heaven knows
_ _ [Ab] _
Not quite as [Eb] cold as you think it is [Ab] when the wind chill factors blow _ _ _
_ _ [Eb] _ But centigrade and Fahrenheit [Bb] it was way below [Eb] zero
_ _ _ _ _ _ The electric duvet was cranked way up to [Ab] ten, the gas fires were on [Eb] full blast
When I get the bills from both of those [Ab] boards, I don't know if the [Bb] money will last
_ [Ab] I was fully [Cm] clothed in my entire [Gm] wardrobe, but I still couldn't feel [Ab] my toes
_ [Eb] The flat pipes burst and we had another first, [Bb] the water in the [Eb] toilet bowl froze _ _
_ _ When the radio ordered me to stay at home, [Ab] I obeyed though [Eb] I was met
But the roads were ice, there was a ton of snow, [Ab] and when the wind blows [Bb] snow will drip
[Ab] And I was brushing and [Cm] flossing [Eb] my chattering [Gm] teeth, [Ab] in the mirror I saw
my breath
_ _ _ _ _ [Eb]
I was half frozen watching the TV [Gm] news, the other half of me was [Eb] worried to death _ _
_ _ We got helicopter rescues and freezing [Gm] old ladies, [Ab] the choo-choo [Eb] trains won't go
_ On the M4 there's a five-mile [Ab] tailback, lorries [Bb] jackknifing in the snow
_ [Ab] And it's summer down [Eb] under in Australia
_ [Cm] That gets [Ab] under my skin
_ [Eb] Cause on the TV they show us suntan [Bb] cricketers, they're just [Eb] rubbing it in
_ _ _ _ _ And they're saying it's coming from Siberia, _ [Ab] that communist _ [Eb] arctic song _ _ _
What we got is a Russian _ [Ab] plot to make the world their [Bb] ice cream cone
_ [Ab] _ _
[Eb] Whether we're gonna get a break, [Ab] the [Cm] weatherman [Ab] will not say _ _
_ [Eb] I took the dog for a walk and he [Bb] took a crap you won't smell until it's [Eb] April or May
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ And the same thing happened here last year, [Ab] _
but [Eb] you don't wanna know
_ In England people walk around wearing [Ab] raincoats and running [Bb] shoes in the snow
_ [Ab] _
You don't wear [Eb] no hat or [Ab] gloves, [Cm] it don't [Ab] make no sense _ _ _
_ _ [Eb] _ You still think with that silly [Gm] umbrella you can conquer all of [Eb] the elements
It was the coldest day on record, [Ab] in the coldest weekend [Eb] memory
_ It was the coldest month in the coldest [Ab] year on the coldest night [Bb] in history _
_ _ [Ab] _ But don't [Eb] ask me how cold it [Ab] was, cause you [Cm] don't [Ab] wanna know
_ _ _ _ _ [Eb] _ _
But Santa Greta and Fahrenheit, [Bb] it was way below [Eb] zero
_ I'm talking Santa Greta and Fahrenheit, [Bb] it was way below [Eb] zero _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [Ab] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ [N] _