Ned Nostril Chords by Ray Stevens

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[C] _ _ _ _ _ _ Well, even when Ned was a little bitty baby, his nose covered most of his face.
As he grew to manhood, it spread out all over the place.
His heroes were Karl Maltin, Jimmy Durante, and Pinocchio.
And all his friends used to wonder just [G] how big it was [C] gonna grow. _ _ _
[F] _ _ _ _ _ _ Well, growing up was a problem for Ned.
He tried sports, but he [F] couldn't make it on the football field.
The other team [C] used to kick his nose [F] and try to take it.
[Bb] _
Basketball games were always the [F] same.
Ned always felt inhibited when the referee blew his whistle and called [C] him down for double [F] dribbling.
_ _ [Bb] _
_ _ _ _ _ _ Well, then Ned had a brainstorm [F] to be a music [Bb] man.
So he rounded up his buddies [F] and they started a [Bb] little band.
[Eb] Now it's hard getting bookings [Bb] when you're virtually new and unknown.
But Ned had a plan and a name for the band [F] and a sound all [Bb] their own. _ _ _
[C] _ _ _ _ _ _ You see, the boys in the band would sniff ragweed [G] till their allergies [C] were screaming.
Then they'd harmonize with watery [G] eyes and sinuses a-streaming.
And Ned took [F] his liability and [C] figured out how to turn it around.
They wore Hiawaiian clothes and Ned played his [G] nose and that was [C] their sound.
_ [F] So if you want to [C] hear some wheezing and sneezing and blowing and going that's grand,
go hear Ned [F] Nostril and his South Seas [C] Paradise.
Put your blues [G] on ice cheap at twice the [C] price band.
Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy.
They're all you can stand.
[G] Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy.
The [C] best in the land.
Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy.
Book solid and in demand.
Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Iggy. _
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_ _ _ _ _ _ [F] _
Coughing [C] and _ _ [G] sneeze noises. _
_ _ _ _ _ [F] _ _ _
_ [C] _ _ _ _ [D] _ _ [G] _
_ [C] _ _ _ [F] Ned tried to play [C] the guitar.
But his nose covered most of the court [F] and he tried to [C] play the piano, but he couldn't see the keyboard
[F] He tried to [C] play the drum some but his nose stuck too far out
[F] And he couldn't play a [C] horn because he couldn't get the [G] darn thing up [C] to his mouth
_ _ So the guys in the band kept sniffing and coughing [G] and that's how the story [C] goes
And Ned was such a hit he never quit
[G] Plum and Thumb and his nose best picker in town
[F] So if you want to [C] hear some wheezing and sneezing and blowing and going that's grand
Go hear Ned Nostril and his [F] South Seas Paradise put your blues [G] on ice cheap at twice [C] the price band
[G] They're the best [C] in the land
[G] Book solid and in [C] demand
_ They're all you can stand _ _ _ _
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[G] _ _ [C] _ _ [G] _ _ _ _