A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying Chords by Bloodhound Gang

_ _ _ [Bm] _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I was lonelier [A] than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard [D] concert that night I scrolled on into
Uncle Empty's home palace looking for love.
[G]
It had been a while.
_ _ _ [D] 365 had come and went since that midnight run hauling hog to Shaggytown on I [G]-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweating gowns through a [D] pair of Daisy Duke cutoffs
and one of those fruit-looking tank tops.
Well [A] that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white [D] skin, and baby blue eyes.
_ Name was Russell.
Yes, the lap dance is so [A] much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ _ [G] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ _ [G] Well I find it's quite a thrill when [D] she rides me against her will.
_ [A] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Well, [A] faster than you can say Shallow Grave, [D] this pretty little thing come up to me and
starts kneading my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube [G] sock.
Said her name was Bambi.
I said, well that's a coincidence, [D] darling.
So I was just thinking about skinning you like a deer.
[G] Well, she smiled, had about as much teeth as a jack-o'-lantern, and I went on to [D] tell
her how I would [A] wear her [D] face like a mask as I do my little pookie dance.
[A] And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
[D] _
Of course, it's hard to hide a heart on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, the lap dance is so [A] much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ _ [G] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ Well, [G] I find it's quite a thrill when [D] she rides me against her will.
_ [A] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying. _ _ _ _ _ _
So [A] Bambi's going on about how she can make all my fantasies come [D] true.
So I says, even this one I have where Jesus [G] Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the
doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to [D] something resembling a cheddar
cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus' tummy-tum?
Well, [G]
ten beers, twenty minutes, and thirty dollars later, I'm parked in the beef bus
in [D] Tuna Town, if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her [A] trailer.
Phew, that rhymes.
_ I have to admit, it was [D] even more of a turn-on when I found out she was going me to buy a baby formula.
Yes, the lap dance is so [A] much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ _ [G] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ Well, [G] I find it's quite a thrill when [D] she rides me against her will.
_ [A] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying. _ _ _ _ _ _
Day or so had passed when [A] I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin, [D] and slid on into the
sticky pinky golf-and-guzzle big-rig snooze-a-stop.
[G] There I was, drowsing through the latest issue of Throb, when I saw Bambi staring [D] at me from
the back of a [A] milk carton.
[D] _ Well, my heart just dropped.
[G]
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
[D] You cannot imagine how difficult it is to hold a half-gallon of Moo Juice and polish
the [A] one-eyed gopher when you're doing 75 in an 18-wheeler.
I never thought [D] missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?
Yes, the lap dance is so much [A] better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ _ [G] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying.
_ _ _ _ Well, [G] I find it's quite a thrill when [D] she grinds me against her will.
_ [A] Yes, the lap dance is so much better when the stripper [D] is crying. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ [A] _ _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ _ [A] _ _ _ _ [D] _
_ _ [A] _ _ _ [N] _ _ _